Snitches Get Cupcakes And Side Eyes Artwork

The Iron Table

The Iron Table is a forum where Black men can discuss topics from their perspective. Topics range from relationships, mental health, emotional health, life skills, social awareness, etc. As iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17), the idea is that men sharpen men. The sharpening can happen when men are willing to be transparent and proactive in addressing situations and circumstances that can tear us down when not handled. While this is geared toward men, the topics affect women and the family. As leaders of the home, we need to discuss issues that can be light on the surface but can reveal some profound truths in reality. There are many forums where comedy is used to skirt around issues, and while humor is good and needed, it can often be a crutch. The Iron Table is designed to be the platform on which men are forged into leaders in their homes and personal lives. The Iron Table is a place where the only thing fed is truth.

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The Iron Table

Snitches Get Cupcakes And Side Eyes

June 04, 2026 • Bryant Goodine • Season 6 • Episode 3

0:00 | 29:48

Somebody’s partner pulls you aside and asks the question you never want to hear: “Do you know if he’s cheating?” Now what? We sit down at The Iron Table and put the bro code on trial, because loyalty is easy when it costs nothing, and complicated when the truth could blow up a marriage, a friendship, and your peace.

We talk through the real-life mechanics of getting cornered by direct questions, why “that’s none of my business” is sometimes a boundary and sometimes a dodge, and how to respond without becoming the messenger. We break down practical deflections that keep you honest while pushing the conversation back where it belongs: between the two people in the relationship or in counseling. And yes, we say the quiet part out loud: we are not going to hell for anybody’s lie.

Then we zoom out to the psychology behind suspicion. Why do people tap phones, chase clues, and beg for one last confirmation when they already feel it in their gut? We connect it to grief, denial, anger, and the slow path toward acceptance, plus the hard question that changes everything: are you ready to hear the answer you’re asking for? We close with a reminder that grown men can still affirm each other, show gratitude, and keep sharpening iron even when the conversation gets uncomfortable.

If this hit a nerve, subscribe, share the show with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find honest conversations about loyalty, accountability, and relationships.

Welcome And Where To Listen

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Welcome to the Iron Table. To the Iron Table. Iron sharpens iron. So men sharpen men. Sharpen men. I'm your host, Brian Gadon. You know people can hear you doing it, right? Brothers Danny and Steve. We're your waiters. Bringing them truth. Loaded with accountability. We're going to try to do this in 30 minutes. We now catch it into our program. This is going to be one of those unedited versions. Just hold on. All right. Good evening. It's the Iron Table where Iron Sharpens Iron. So should men sharpen men. We're going to try to get this done in 30 minutes. So let me first before we start, let me get through this. Okay. Recordings of the podcast and others can be found at irontable.buzzsprout.com. You can find us on Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music. You're already watching us on YouTube. Just continue to search for the Iron Table. Share it with your friends, please. Now Iron Table doesn't own the rights of any music. We don't have that much money to pay for it. Anything used during these segments, we are we are appreciative of the talents and crafts of musicians and only use the music to honor their gifts. We are not getting paid for this. Alright, so we're going to try to do this in 30 minutes. So I'm Bryant. I believe it's been about two months. We keep taking these breaks because life just keeps lifing. But before we get into it, we got to acknowledge that it is Gemini season for those that believe in that stuff. We're not two-faced people. We just people that look at both sides of the coin. And we got one of us that by the time I post this, either it'll be a day or two before his uh alleged 50th birthday. I'm not 3050. Well, now we know who it is. Uh, but uh for those uh rest of us have already had our uh alleged 50th birthdays um in the past prior to this, but we want to take a moment to acknowledge uh the right Reverend Elder Jones, uh who will be having his birthday. Uh what is that? This Friday seven days from now, right? Friday. Okay. Yep. Friday. So we we

Birthdays And Picking A Topic

SPEAKER_01 2:40

are appreciative that you are still here. Um and with that, we're gonna go into um tonight's discussion. I'm gonna be honest, I don't really have a topic because what I told these guys, they was like, nah, it's too long. You know, it's an epic saga. There's nothing we can do within 30 minutes. So, what can we talk about in 30 minutes? Do we do a recap of the stuff that we've done before? Do we come up with something new? Do we just start lying in order to increase um our ratings? Maybe we just let's just come up with something where we just yelling at each other.

SPEAKER_05 3:21

Tell them why you're mad.

SPEAKER_04 3:25

Um I was suggesting that the the last one that you were saying, I was like, that's long. I was saying that one was long. I wasn't saying that none of them will work, but you you had it was like a four thing. Well, fine, throw them all away.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

That's what he said. That's what I felt. I was like, man. Some of them were very short. I mean, I can just pick one.

SPEAKER_04 3:46

I was referring to a last. I was referring to that last, and I was just like, that's long. Ain't gonnabody doing that.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

I don't even know what order I I put them in. So I mean, it's it is what it is, but uh, we're trying to get this out before we all go our separate ways. And I got to get up in the morning and go to work. So I'm just gonna I'm just gonna show this one. We'll see if

Bro Code Versus Telling The Truth

SPEAKER_01 4:10

people want to talk about it. So when you see bro code, yeah, look at him. They about to get quiet. Does the bro code supersede telling the truth? So I'm gonna say this. If um you're you're looking don't get quiet now. We we trying something different. So if your if your your brother's friend, your bro, his significant other's girlfriend, something comes up and she's just unloading, like, I don't understand what's going on. He just not, you know, we everything was good and then it isn't. And say you might know. I'm gonna say might. You know, do at this point, is it about the bro code or is it about just telling the truth?

SPEAKER_04 4:59

What do you know?

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Do you what do you guess that's important? I mean, what do you know? So you have your own inclination, but you have not confirmed it. Let me say that.

SPEAKER_04 5:14

It's not clear enough for me, but somebody else can answer.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Okay, we what do you want? Like video footage, video proof, that you haven't seen him do something?

SPEAKER_04 5:25

I'm saying what what's the the is it he just break and he went to go get some milk? You know, is is it like that he out here creeping and sneaking and cheating? Is it that he's out here like what what's what's going on? Because I mean, bro just need a break. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

Alright, so say that he needs a break. And he's just out just you know, getting some me time, but the the situation shows that it looks more that he's getting me time, that me is turning the weed time with someone else. Now you know it's me time, you know it's me time. Like he's out there just trying to, you know, just things might get overwhelming, you know, being a the a parent, the spouse, uh you know, maybe got some things going on at work, and he's just out really just the only way he can, you know, figure it out is go out and maybe go for a long drive, maybe go to a park or something for like an hour or two, and he he just didn't tell her. I mean, I don't want to say he just out there cheating, but okay, let's say he's cheating. Let's say you know without a fact that without a doubt that he is out there cheating. And who is she told him and you've told him, like, dude, don't you shouldn't do that. You know, you need to figure it out or end it, you know. And who is cheating me? She is his significant other.

SPEAKER_05 7:04

That ain't none of my business. Go to it. I just say talk to your man. Or I've just talked to him and just say, hey, you the t you you can tell her, but uh it ain't none of my business to be telling his business. You know what I mean? That's I I I'm I'm leaving that alone. I got you gotta leave that alone. You know what I mean? That's that's ain't my business to tell another man's wife what he's doing.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

But she keeps coming to you.

SPEAKER_05 7:33

It's uh that's I I'm about to I'll stop that because that ain't that's that's gonna stop. That's my point at that point. If she keeps coming to me, I ain't gotta answer the phone. Unless it's an emergency, no, you already know what the situation is. Hey, nope, uh-uh, I'm leaving this alone. Because this is gonna it's gonna end bad. It never ends well. You talking about the skill of beings, about what he's doing. It never ends well for everybody.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

All right, Elder, come on. I I feel you got a word. I'm putting y'all on the spot. I'm staying out of this one. I just asked the questions.

SPEAKER_04 8:13

That don't make no sense. That don't make that don't make no sense at all. Um I'm gonna go ahead and say, like, as men, we've become masters at not answering certain questions.

SPEAKER_06 8:27

True. That's true.

SPEAKER_04 8:29

I'm trying not to, I'm not, I'm trying, I'm trying not to break like the I mean, because it sounds like you're breaking code now, but saying we're I am. So I probably am. But here here's the deal. If you ask me a direct question, and I give you one of these answers, I'm not gonna lie for nobody. I ain't going to hell for nobody. But I'm not gonna ask, I'm not gonna go and just completely just I'm probably gonna do one of these, and if I'm doing one of these, read in between the lines. True story. That this this is it. Can I tell this? Hold on.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Tell it. Uh oh. Hold on, you need to you need to check it. Use alternate names. Matter of fact, so so everyone knows it's not true. Use my name.

SPEAKER_04 9:25

So I work with a lot of people, right? And um there was a scenario when I knew some information, and somebody asked me a direct question that I could not. I it was do you know whether or not I did XYZ with so-and-so?

SPEAKER_05 9:59

See? No, see, the problem is you let them finish their sentence. As soon as they say, do you come on? That's it. You don't let them finish the sentence. Don't let them finish the sentence. I'm out. Yeah, that's that's key right there.

SPEAKER_04 10:15

That that actually is key.

SPEAKER_03 10:17

But sometimes you don't know what they're gonna say, especially if it's the first time they're presenting the question, you don't know what they're gonna ask. But then sometimes they catch you and they ask questions that we really don't want to be caught. Well, that's the honest.

SPEAKER_04 10:36

I'll just say this. Usually my response is to answer their question with another question. That's that's generally speaking how I find myself. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

So what did you see?

SPEAKER_04 10:47

Yeah, why would you think that? Like,

Direct Questions And Safe Deflections

SPEAKER_04 10:50

I don't know what you said. Like, you probably need to talk to him about that. You know, but in general, I'm going to allow grown folks to do grown folks stuff. I'm not lying for nobody. If you ask me a direct question, I'm gonna try probably do one of these and uh pray for you and uh whatever whatever the situation is. And then we might have some some some real dialogue about bruh. You need you need to you need to fix that. Like because that's some that's some like is this who you want to be? Is this what you want to do? Like if you ask some questions, let me remove myself. But I ain't lying for nobody, and uh I'm also not going to overtly try to come and and rap somebody out, and just that's not my place.

SPEAKER_06 11:46

Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

I I just need to, yeah, if I'm asked a direct question, I've been in situations where I didn't answer the question, but the person could just read in between the lines because it was just I but I like how y'all said, you know, you know, this is grown folks' business, and you know, certain you know, certain things we we just need to stay out of it. You know, uh people listen, we need to stay out of certain business. It doesn't, you know, regardless if we know it or not, you send them back to the source. Because you're gonna lose both people.

SPEAKER_05 12:27

Surely are never.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

Your boy is gonna be upset with you, girls be upset because you knew and you just now answer you just now saying something. This is why you direct people back to each other, or to counseling, or you know, or as as that's hey, talk to ask them the question, what do you see? Because at this point, even if you you know that it's false, if a person believes what they believe, they will not believe you until they see it for themselves.

SPEAKER_04 13:04

Yes, and that that's facts. I've been in those situations as well where they're back in. I I mean, yeah, and and they really can only believe it when they actually see it, and so they put forth resources and efforts and energy and they try to get help. Can you help me? Just I just need to know. I just need to know.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

Yeah, but we'll say this if someone was to come to me, I would go to the other person. It's like, hey, I'm getting asked questions, I don't know the answer, but I don't want to be in a position where I'm asked these questions. So go handle your business, straighten it out. If that's not what you want, hey, just say we we no longer need to be going down this road. I'd rather end stuff than be labeled a cheater.

SPEAKER_04 14:10

Yeah, they don't.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

They don't which which creates the scandals that end up being seen, and now like you said, now people coming up to you saying, have you have you seen my spouse? And and yeah, I've seen them, and you know, I've seen her. I've I've seen them, and now you have to figure out how to manage that.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

Like you said, you guys said don't say creative ways in order to deflect that, man. I ain't deflecting nothing, I'm snitching.

Are You Ready For The Answer

SPEAKER_03 14:44

I'm snitching. You my question is this, and I know I'm taking it to another one. My concern is the person who's asking, and I always, even in sessions, when people want to ask particular questions in these questions and sessions, why you are you ready to hear the answer to the question you're asking for? Not at all. Because if you come to me and you ask me for the truth, and hypothetically, let's say, let's say I'm about to like that though. I I would just give you what I would just tell you. Does your husband like you know? Um, are you prepared to hear that? Are you prepared to hear that your life is not what you I mean, well, or you are you prepared to confirm what you already know? Sometimes you've been through the phones, and this is both minnow, you've been through the phones, you've followed them. You you you've you've you've tapped their phones, you've like I said, you've talked to friends and fans, like you you already know what's going on, but you just this happens. You want that last person to confirm what you already know, and you still get and they still get mad at you for confirming what you what they already do. So why you pull it with me? You already know, like Danny said. My question is, why you asking? Or based on what you already know, why you asking me if you already have the answer.

SPEAKER_06 16:14

Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 16:16

Exactly. Because y'all gonna do some dirt. Just I don't, I just don't want to know. How did you know?

SPEAKER_00 16:24

All of y'all, look, all of y'all, don't I told y'all? Don't rub the bank. Don't forget me.

SPEAKER_03 16:30

Don't rub the bank with me. I better not know nothing. Don't rob no bank with me in the cup. Yes. I'm I'm working. You were excessive, you an excessive. Don't have no bank, don't rob no bank with me in there. And especially don't tell me to pull up, go in there, robber store, come out, and now I'll I'll be requested.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Oh no, we we we caught we caught we got caught. Come on, y'all. Oh y'all, we got caught come over from behind the church, yeah. Yeah, come come yeah, come from behind the wall. Yeah, we see you. We got caught, man. We got caught.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

So, real quick, mentally, what goes through a person's mind if they if they have the inclination? And you said they they they're tapping phones, they're they're following somebody, hiring a private detective, doing all this stuff. What is what is the reason for wanting to to for going through all of that if you have that feeling?

SPEAKER_05 17:45

And stages of death. True, they're going through the stages of death. Stage of grief, yeah, the stage of stage, yeah. The moderate relationship. They try they are they're not at the stage of acceptance yet. They still get denial with a little bit of anger.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

Anger, regret, you don't regret time.

SPEAKER_05 18:08

Oh, you ain't thinking about this, and it's not to them, it's not wasted time. This is valuable time finding out and and exclusive, resourcing, and and playing Scooby-Doo. You're looking for clues, trust and believe.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Does anyone ever look at what they've done in order to lead that person to doing that? Like, I'll I'll say this person or do that two years after the right. They're still responsible for the action of cheating. But does the person who is you know being cheated on ever ask themselves like, well, or even do some like introspective, you know, looking at themselves and saying, Well, I neglected them in this. I neglected them in that.

SPEAKER_05 18:50

I mean, they only do it the only time you they rationalize it if they cheat themselves. Like, well, I'm out here in these streets too, so I can't really be mad, but that's only a huge percentage of folk that actually think like that. And you know, for men, it's like, hey, I can have my fun, but she better not have no fun. You know, well, you know what for women too, but you know, it's just that whole that whole mentality of I can do all these things, but they better not do it. And if they do it, I'm gonna feel a certain way, even though I'm I'm doing this or probably worse. So it it's it's it's crazy thinking. It's crazy talk. That's what it is. It's crazy talk. Illogical thinking.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Oh, okay. All right, so I learned something new today. I'm not gonna, I'm not cheating. I'm gonna say that now because they snitching.

SPEAKER_05 19:37

And if you do, just don't tell us. Just keep it just. Well, you know, I talked to y'all every day. Well, you better not, you better not. Shame on you. We warned you, we warned you. Y'all are gonna know you be warned, snitching.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

Taking the first deal, sitting there watching you eat a cupcake. Like, how did he get a cupcake? Oh, Jones, that snitched.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

He did it. He did it.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Don't even let it get out the word. I did it. Hey, did you even give us a chance? But yeah, I just wanted to know that. And wasn't trying to keep us in long because we we all got some place to be, and just wanted to touch base. Um, but uh you I can't even say that because you know we might get canceled if I said what I was gonna say. Say it. Nope. Mm-mm. I I don't want I don't want to be dubbed over in order to fix this episode. No, we're not doing that.

Pushing People Back To The Source

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Nah, but um, let me take this moment to acknowledge uh these three guys. Uh we have been doing this for what is it? This is season six, so I know it started off with Jones and I and uh at a at his dining room table. Um wow we've moved um to uh having this type of platform. And it's it's just been an amazing ride. Uh and we're still on it. Uh, but I wanna there's uh this past week a friend of mine told me, you know, that we we all have opportunities um to see each other, to do things together, and you know, you you gotta treat each opportunity as if it could be your last because you never know. And the fact that we've all lived this long on this earth, um I just hit 48.

SPEAKER_06 21:33

Um, it is uh I know but life is not promised.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

Um, we we all know somebody who didn't make it past uh 20. Someone who didn't make it past 20 30, 40, and hopefully we'll make it into our 50s. Uh but I want to acknowledge you know the three of you and just how you have helped. Um you know grow this. Uh this was originally for me, it was therapy. You know, it was able me to you know just talk, ask questions, um, the to let people know that even if you don't have this type of brotherhood, you know, there are some people out there that care. And we've talked about various things. But if I if somehow I don't see y'all, again, I want to tell you thank you. I want to tell you that I that I acknowledge. I ain't going to work. I'm going to bed. Right. But I mean, I want to make sure that people know. I mean, as grown men, we can we can affirm, we can acknowledge, we can, you know, tell people that we love them. Uh we can tell them that you know that they still snitches. You talking like you're going to the up bar room. Nah, I'm going to the B-E-D. I'm tired. Up. I am tired. But um just acknowledging how just want to say I appreciate you. Yeah, yeah, the sacrifice that y'all make in order for us to to meet. One day we're going to do it live. I think probably season seven. We're going to be doing it live. We're going to be even crazier, unfiltered. Um, but I just want to let y'all know that I appreciate your expertise. Oh my god. I mean, can't he can't even give y'all your flowers. We appreciate you, man. Ah man, you know, I'm gonna edit this out.

SPEAKER_03 23:29

So please mean we appreciate you, man. Thanks, man. We definitely too.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

Oh gosh, it's just I'm gonna replace y'all with some other people.

SPEAKER_05 23:49

Brotherhood And Saying It Out Loud

SPEAKER_05 23:50

appreciate you though, man. For real, though. For real.

SPEAKER_01 23:54

Yeah, y'all ain't sending no money though. That's not easy.

SPEAKER_05 23:58

See, here you go, man. See, there we go. I mean, now you see like some of these. She sounded like some of these churches out here.

SPEAKER_00 24:06

That's locked.

SPEAKER_03 24:08

That's locked. You saw like some of these churches out here. Lock the door, right?

SPEAKER_05 24:15

Lock the door. Well, have y'all ever been in a situation like that? Y'all been in a church where they lock the door?

SPEAKER_06 24:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 24:22

I don't know what I would do. I don't know what I would do. I don't know what I would do.

SPEAKER_03 24:27

I had to go to the bathroom and they wouldn't let me out.

SPEAKER_05 24:30

I've seen Jim Jones documentary or James Town documentaries too many times. You're not locking me in no door. Not at all. Yeah, that's too much.

SPEAKER_01 24:43

If they lock the door, you know you're locking it from the inside, right? So that means there's a knob in order for you to uh twist open or push in order to get out, right? So there's no way you should be locked in a church if you already on the inside.

SPEAKER_05 24:57

And are there signs that that's the that's the type of church that does things like that? Are there signs? Are there warning signs? Like, hey, this church may lock a door on you. Are there red flags for churches?

SPEAKER_01 25:09

I can't even say what I was gonna say. It makes me uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_05 25:15

Just be terrible. So when you the first time you go to a church and they ask you for your social security number, is that a red flag?

SPEAKER_03 25:21

Yes, for me, yes. Yeah. When they ask me for pay stubs or w-2s, I I I'm out for me. I I'm out.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

I mean, just give them what is it? Uh how many numbers at uh Social Security? What nine? No, not nine. Seven, five.

SPEAKER_05 25:37

Yes, give them nine. I told you you turned it 50.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

Give them a give them uh give them a giveaway. Give them a new one.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

I say I say this

Church Red Flags And Giving Guilt

SPEAKER_01 25:50

with uh with a lot of love.

SPEAKER_03 25:52

How daddy was daddy was just talking about that, how some of these churches are run just different, more effective, more efficient, more supported, and it's supported by their their own resources, and they have a lot of resources, and we uh we we gotta figure out how to get back to doing that and not guilting, um, not beating people over the head. We're so close to ending.

SPEAKER_05 26:21

Y'all been guilty before? Y'all been guilty for not giving?

SPEAKER_02 26:24

Oh, yeah, every week.

SPEAKER_05 26:25

Yeah, you've been get you've been guilty, you feel bad?

SPEAKER_02 26:28

No, I don't feel bad. I don't feel bad.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

Okay, we we'll we'll talk about that another time. We will talk about it. Oh, yeah, this is bedtime. Do you feel is my bedtime? I'm I'm up past uh normally I'm in bed, I'm horizontal by nine.

SPEAKER_03 26:47

Is it weird having your son's bedtime after yours? Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00 26:55

Well it is go to bed on my bed, but I won't drop it. Go to bed, dad. I said turn the mics off. Hey, hey dad. Turn the mics off.

SPEAKER_03 27:24

My bag, my bag. My size hurt. All right. All right, y'all. I need to I'm gonna go finish watching this. I'm actually rooting for New York, but I know they're gonna tear that. They don't know how to act. These I love New Yorkers, but they don't know how to act when their teams win.

SPEAKER_05 27:42

They're gonna destroy New York, they're gonna destroy it.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

Statue of Liberty got to get knocked down.

SPEAKER_05 27:49

It's gonna be like the statue off of Ghostbusters, too.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

They're gonna take it off of them.

SPEAKER_03 27:56

It's gonna be gone. All right, man.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Is there a positive thing that you have to say, or y'all just gonna end with bullying?

SPEAKER_03 28:04

No snitches, stitches, snitches gets no snitches and found the ditches.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

I really am enjoying Danny's resolve. He is holding it in

Bedtime Jokes And Closing Lines

SPEAKER_01 28:21

today. Thank you, Danny. Thank you. I got one person, and they say, is there at least one person? Is there one in the room? Is it just the one in the room?