The Iron Table
The Iron Table
Co-Parenting Challenges, Toxic Gender Norms, and the Magic of Arcade Nostalgia
What happens when the chaos of modern life meets the nostalgia of classic arcade games? Join us at The Iron Table as we reconnect after a long hiatus, exploring everything from Steve's insights gained during his overseas travels to Keith's unexpected journey into the world of mental health clients. We reflect on the challenges of balancing increased responsibilities and the emotional landscape of co-parenting after divorce. Through candid stories, we dive into the intricacies of co-parenting after divorce and the impact on children while highlighting the importance of processing emotions early to prevent future conflicts.
Have you ever wondered about the real implications of toxic masculinity and femininity? Our discussion takes a bold turn as we examine societal expectations and their impact on behavior, revealing patterns that can harm both genders. We address fathers' struggles in co-parenting dynamics, particularly when navigating accusations and negative narratives. This episode is packed with personal insights and anecdotes illuminating the resilience required to maintain fatherhood roles amidst challenging relationships and systemic biases.
Finally, walk with us down memory lane as we reminisce about the communal magic of arcade gaming and the evolution of gaming technology. From the fun of sharing quarters to the stark contrasts with today's digital landscape, these stories underscore the importance of community and support systems. Wrapping up with the power of silence, we encourage listeners to practice restraint and thoughtful responses in challenging scenarios, leaving you with laughter, nostalgia, and plenty to ponder.
There's Keith, danny and Steve. We're your waiters, serving you, accountability and truth. We now bring you to our program already in progress. All right, welcome to the Iron Table. Iron sharpens iron, so it should be sharp in a minute we are.
Speaker 1:Whew, it has been a long time since we've been able to get together, so, pardon all the hiccups, any technical difficulties. We meant to do it on purpose. That's the lie that we're going with. That's what we're going to say. So, before we start, of course, I got to say put up this message the Iron Table does not own any rights to any music used during its segments. We appreciate the talents and crafts of musicians and only use their music to honor their gifts. We got to say that in order to be able to be shown in different countries where we know that the word still needs to get out, where we know that the word still needs to get out. As always, you can find recordings of this podcast on our audio site, which is irontablebudsproutscom, and you can still find us on Google Podcasts, if it's still there, apple Podcasts, amazon Music and YouTube, which you're watching this. If you're watching that, just search for the Iron Table and note that there is another Iron Table much younger guys, so they don't know as much as we do which. You're watching this. If you're watching that, just search for the iron table and note that there is another iron table much younger guys, so they don't know as much as we do, but can not that they are trying. It's good to see men out there trying to encourage other men.
Speaker 1:All right, so before we get into today's topic, which I don't believe these guys even know I can't even remember what it was going to be about. But before we get into that, I just want to do a little round robin see how these fellas have been doing. It's been about a month and a half since we've been able to get together. It's been some time. Just go around the circle. I'll be the last person, because it's going to take me some time to think about what I've got to say. Just fill us in First. We know you're alive, so you don't have to tell us that. Just let us know what's going on in your square. All right, nothing. Okay, let's start calling out names. You said we're going around. I thought we were doing clockwise. You said you were going to be last. I guess that means Steve is first.
Speaker 1:My bad y'all, everything's been going good Getting back in the US. Traveling overseas definitely makes you not only see things from a different perspective, but sometimes it makes you appreciate what you got back at home too. It's definitely been interesting. Glad to be back. Glad to be back. Is that an American flag hat you have on? Hey man, you know what? Every time I travel, I always have a hat on with an American flag on. It's weird that could be that bad depending on where you go. Exactly, exactly. I'm glad you're back. That means it was good.
Speaker 1:You ain't never lied, because when they started dropping those bombs it was kind of like oh man, we're going to have to be in the air around that area. Man, it's time to go. Did y'all see anything? No, okay, thank God, but I don't want to be in that part of the world when it really starts popping up. Right, all right, you know what? I'm sorry, did they?
Speaker 1:They did, they did like a extra level of, uh, airport security. So once you go through the checkpoint when you buy, when you're getting on the plane, they have makeshift another checkpoint to where they check everything again. And you couldn't bring um, you know, like when you go into the airport, you can't bring water initially through the security gates, or any liquid, but you can buy something at the airport, drink it and then take it on the airplane. You couldn't even do that. Yeah, they don't trust nobody. I mean, anything can be an explosive. They did it because of what happened that day either Iran or Israel, when they started dropping those missiles.
Speaker 1:Yep, okay, wow, I don't go that far. Go ahead, man. You ain't got to go there. You ain't got to go that far. Let's go to the mailbox and back. You told me I was in the mailbox. You ain't got to go that far. Let's go to the mailbox and back. You told me, off the mailbox. I promise they won't eat you, depending on where you go.
Speaker 1:Actually, you got to eat that mic, keith. You're low, you're real low. That's why I was checking. All right, you got to eat the mic. You got to make love to it. Ah, whoa, what Got to make love to it?
Speaker 1:What have I been doing in six weeks? Business building. I am back to recording to the point. I'm almost done. I'm just going to start pushing some stuff out here. Just come off the hard drive and then new ideas, a lot of them.
Speaker 1:You got low for some reason, I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't think the world wants you to say something, because the Lord knows that's better. The Lord knows you got to look at the mic like you love it. You got to look at it. Look, I got to get at the mic like you love it. You got to look at it. Look, I got to get in it and say no, no, just creativity's back.
Speaker 1:I've been building, businesses, building, and then the whole mental health thing. Be careful what you pray for. I said God, it's open, send the people. And now it's like OK, all right, so so I've been busy, but it's been a good busy. I'm just better organizing and trying to figure out OK, god, what next? So I'm trying to create employment.
Speaker 1:Now I'm thinking that's where we're headed. I ain't going to make people rich, but I know a lot of people looking for opportunities to help people. If I facilitate that, I want to do that. Do I have to have a degree? That's just it. You don't. You just got to not be on the list. There's certain things you can't, obviously legally. I might run into that disclaimer. Don't be on the list, that pedophile list keeps you from doing anything.
Speaker 1:And arson, you'd be surprised. Oh, wow, yeah, I had what I call my. He was my golden unicorn. He had an inmate that was going to release. He was a pedophile and an arsonist. So what I had to learn is that arsonists are on a registry too and they cannot just live anywhere. So he was already restricted from being a pedophile. Now he was even more restricted. He couldn't live in like an apartment building or anywhere, because you can't live in certain areas. So I was like I might really just have to get you a tent. And we were joking about it. I'm glad he had a sense of humor, because I'm like we're going to have to get you a tent and then I don't even want to put you around that many trees. He laughed. I'm glad he had a sense of humor, but he recognized this situation was tough. I digress.
Speaker 1:So last six weeks, yeah, been grinding. Okay, I need a nap now. Hey, man, take that nap, take that nap. All right now, mr williams, yes, yes, the last six weeks, oh, my goodness, it's been quite a journey. You know, entrepreneurship it's always a roller coaster, ups, downs all the way around. And so we go from oh, oh, this is awesome, to dear God, please help. And so we have lots of things on the horizon. When it comes to internally, I've got man in the last week. I probably traveled about not as much as Steve, but it might be close to 6,000 miles. Just yeah, life and going up and down out, running hurricanes and celebrating birthdays, and you know a wide, wide range of excitement. So glad to be here at the Orange Table Looking forward to having an opportunity to have man talk. It will be some opportunity. It will be some opportunity.
Speaker 1:First, before I get into it, are the people that you know and care for have a relationship with in Florida? Are they safe? Oh, yes, with my job, I deal with federally qualified health centers and I know that Sarasota got hit bad. They got hit the worst and, of course, as it traveled over, you know it weakened but it's still flooding because everyone was still recovering from Helene, so much so that Asheville is still tough. There they're still searching for people. Um, it's going to be years, years, and I was telling Keith that there're going to have to go through.
Speaker 1:I know Florida is really big on insurance, you know dealing with hurricane and flooding insurance, and I was watching a couple of articles on YouTube and reading them about. Like insurances and how you know some people roof is gone, but the insurance would be like, oh, it's a repair. Like, wait a minute, my roof is gone. But just seeing would be like, oh, it's a repair. Like, wait a minute, my roof is gone. But just seeing people just break down and having to talk to CEOs of health centers and how some of them have lost they're still looking for staff. They're hearing that their staff are not even going to come back. Like, come back to what. Some places like without electricity, some places without electricity, water I'm hearing that they wanted porta potties and oxygen tanks. It's just devastation.
Speaker 1:As the world ages, those of us who believe the Lord's pulling back those winds each season is going to get worse. There's going to be a lot more calamities. And I was telling my son he was like Dad, do we have to prepare for hurricanes? I was like, nah, this area doesn't see that. But who knows, five years from now, with the way the weather has been going, we could see it. It could be like one of my favorite movies the Day After Tomorrow. Really like that movie, it. It could be like one of my favorite movies the day after tomorrow. Really like that movie Heartwarming, see how far our father would go.
Speaker 1:I'll send some money. I'll go out there. I'll say an update for me I ain't got no side business. This is my side business. I guess Iron Table Did do something. I got to show this here for someone who shows it. Decided to start a basketball team with my peers, got some iron table merch here. I'm going to try to go out there and not get hurt. Hopefully our basketball IQ is still stronger than our bodies. Make sure that we stretch. I have a question at this point. Yeah, I want to tell these guys you know, don't leave it all out on the floor because you've got to go to work tomorrow. So save some for work, save some for your family. You know, we lose, we lose, we win, we win. You know that's life. But I'll say this one funny story Bought some chairs, some dining room chairs.
Speaker 1:These dining room chairs came in a box. It was six of them. I put them in the living room. I was waiting for. I thought it was going to be a good together husband and wife activity to put together some chairs. So I waited. I'm sorry, I know right.
Speaker 1:So my off day I'm off on fridays, you know, and it was an interesting friday my son had just had had to go to school later, um, so I had to take him to school. Normally she takes him and you know, I'm just okay, get to school at 10 and I got to go someplace else. And then I come home, you know, just to kind of relax. She comes home, I go back out get my haircut, come back, she comes home and she looks and she was like why are these chairs still in the boxes? And I'm like well, I cleaned the bathrooms, you know I did something.
Speaker 1:So I then, you know, being positive spinning, I was like you know what? You're right, honey, I am wrong. I should have known that you did not tell me to put these chairs together, that your unspoken request of me to do it, that I should have known that, because we have been together so long, I don't know what I was thinking to utilize my own time for me when I needed to put these chairs together. She was like no, brian, I'm sorry. I was like no, you don't need to apologize because I am in the wrong, because I did not tune my heart and my mind to your frequencies to be able to understand that your expectation was, when you come home, that you would see these chairs. So I said you know what, you take our son, you go around the corner, go to a play date. When you come back, these chairs will be together. And I said you know what, even after putting, I was going to scotch guard them. So I scotch guarded them. I added, felt bottoms because they were not on there. Because, as men, we must know what our wives and our significant others are thinking without them telling us, because we love them so much. Objection your Honor, I'll let you go first. No, no, uh-uh, no, no, no, I'll let you go first. No, your honor, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:So the next day, the next day, we were on the phone and she was like brian, you know what, I'm sorry. And I I looked around because I'm in the garage by myself, I'm like there's no one to hear this. And I told her I was like you know this, it was just, I wasn't even on speakerphone. And the next thing she said was like you know this, it was just, I wasn't even on speakerphone. And the next thing she said was like you should have recorded that. I was like nonetheless, that was an apology out of a black woman. You know, I get that sometimes. Hey, you need to Nobel Peace Prize brother. But again, it's the tree in the woods. If it fell and no one's around, then it makes sense. But no, we did have the little chair thing but she told me she was like, and I was like. I was like you're right, these chairs ain't going to put themselves together. I tried to spin it as a togetherness activity but I knew, like, you're right, these chairs ain't going to put themselves together. I tried to spin it as a togetherness activity but I knew I should have put them chairs together. As soon as I brought the box inside the day I went and got them in the rain. That's about it Given today.
Speaker 1:I only got two questions today. I'm going to start with the um and I'll bring this up because, uh, you know, let me put this question up. So it says, as fathers who have experienced divorce, what is the hardest part of co-parenting and why? What is the hardest part of co-parenting and why? And the reason? I thought about this? Because I took Deuce to Legoland Discovery and there was this young man who he had his son there and Deuce is old enough that I could just sit one place and he'd just run make sure he has his watch. If I got to find him, this young man came and sat next to me and I could tell his son was maybe about two. Find him. This young man came and sat next to me and I could tell his son was maybe about two, three, I'll say three, and he was running around. And so you know.
Speaker 1:You know, single dads at the view of single dads, you know, we had a conversation and I just asked him you know how's it going? It's like, you know, it's his birthday, got some time with his son and I was like, oh, I said, so you and the mom are together. He's like, no, I said, is there any hope for it? He was like you know, I don't know. And I said well, you know, I'm just letting you know, I'm acknowledging that you are being present in your son's life and that is important, you know, and that's the. We may not know everything that we're supposed to do, but just being present is one of the biggest steps. But I know that you know he hadn't experienced divorce, but I know that you know, at least Keith and Danny, y'all have experienced, you know, divorce and y'all also have children who some are adult age now and some are still growing.
Speaker 1:You know, and having to, you know, co-parent through that and try your best to not let what you're going through fall upon the kids. You know what, what is the hardest part, you know? I was just saying, like, what is the hardest part of co-parenting in that environment? Because there's a lot of men out there and I know it's aren't they. We laugh, we joke, we talk about some stuff, but sometimes we got to get, you know, gritty, because there's some guys out there that really need to understand how to effectively co-parent.
Speaker 1:Um, because there's, there's probably some women that you know, for their reason, this is not to, you know, disparage or bash women that they, um, withhold. You know their children from the father. You know disparage or bash women that they withhold. You know their children from the father. You know it could be abuse. You know it could be. You know, physical, financial, emotional, what have you? But as fathers, you still got to push through. You still got to. You know, let your kids know that you're fighting for them, but without ever having experienced it, and I pray that I never experienced it, you know. I know that y'all pray for me that I never experienced that.
Speaker 1:But there are guys out there who have and who are struggling and who are maybe lashing out in a in a way that is not helpful. Maybe you can tell them you know and be real. You know, say if it sucks, say if it doesn't. You know it's um, and I know that y'all will say it in a way that doesn't disparage the mother but puts the reality behind it. So, yeah, this is your floor. I will start out by saying Brian, you're the great black hope. Mm, hmm, you're the great black hope and so we're all counting on you. So, macy, if you're watching Like amen, we, we know that God is doing great things. This is the good time.
Speaker 1:I'll jump in and say that one of the hardest parts, I would say and I'm not just talking from my lens, but the guys that I've worked with and the men who have been in my life I think I don't think there's anything more difficult than having healthy interaction with somebody who has a perception of you that is less than flattering, especially if they verbalize that less than flattering perception to others in your world. So, like case in point, a lot of times you have a situation where people are together, they make a child or children. They might have been married or not married, but what happens when that relationship sours is you have a lot of bitter, angry, resentful women who want to get back at in any and every way and, as you alluded, sometimes they will use the kids. Oftentimes they will use stuff that isn't true and they'll start disseminating information and they they might actually believe it or they might just know how to wield the system against you. Guys have gone to jail, guys have gone to it's there's.
Speaker 1:There's nothing that I've seen that's more frustrating to a man than when, than than when there is someone who's accusing him of something that is not true. And I say all the time that scandalous women seeking to ruin a good man's life is as old as the book of Genesis, and so you see this play that women run consistently when they're going through divorce, and not all women do it, but enough of them do. I've talked to enough guys who have gone through that aspect of it and I think that it's the one thing that causes the guys that I know and I've interacted with like be on that sanity. I know some guys are just like I can't do it To the point where they will like I love my kids, but this woman right here, I'll have to love them from a distance. It's sad to see the dismantling of a family, because what matters in the end is the kids, is the babies, and when you have tension between two parents, oftentimes that is what's going to determine how healthy and how well the kids bounce back.
Speaker 1:So for me it's it's when you've been accused of something that is not true. That's where I've seen most guys just lose it and or almost lose it because I mean, I never touched this and and like you're guilty as a man, especially a man of color. You're guilty until proven. Instead, if you don't have video evidence, then the system oftentimes is going to view you as guilty and there's a lot of guys who have struggled to combat and to manage that emotional state of. That's my thought process. I don Keith what you got to say. Or Steve? Steve, you work with men all the time, bro, I was just about to say what you just said about even that whole narrative that can trickle down to the kid, and I know that I've had men that have struggled with their relationship with their, with their, with their children because of the narrative that the mother has said to the children and it makes it difficult to then even co-parent all together, because the woman is feeling a certain way about her now divorced husband and now the kid is now taking on that persona.
Speaker 1:So now the father can't even have that relationship with the kid because the kid's feeling a certain way based upon what the mother is now taking on that persona. So now the father can't even have that relationship with the kid because the kid's feeling a certain way based upon what the mother is telling. So it's, it's very unfortunate, right, I, I got a lot of them situations and, keith, if you could just eat the mic when you jump in cause, we can. I was getting ready to come in but I think, uh, yeah, I think y'all can hear me. Yeah, we couldn't hear you.
Speaker 1:First and foremost, to go back on to something you said or to kind of just amplify with a little clarity At the end of the day, as men, all we have is our reputation. We don't have any money, we don't have resources, we don't have anything. A lot of influence we have is based on how people perceive us or what they understand about us. So when that's when that is wrecked. It takes away a lot of our ability to operate in the space of manhood because, at the end of the day again, as men, we shake and agree and that's it. Based on your reputation, well, I shake and agree with you. I don't mess with you if your reputation I don't partner with you. I don't business with you if your reputation is one that is seedy and shady and working in prison with a lot of the male inmates. Again, they said that if I did it, I did it. I got locked up. Okay, I did that, but that doesn't make me a bad person. I made some dumb mistakes. I got caught because I told everybody else in prison I still say it I made dumb decisions, I just didn't get caught.
Speaker 1:That's most of us. Many of us have run red lights. Fortunately we didn't hit anybody and kill them. We've done things where, by the grace of us, like many of us, have run red lights. Fortunately we didn't hit anybody and kill them. Like we've done things where, by the grace of God, we're still here. But when that reputation has been besmirched and we are angry, we do start building that wall to protect ourselves. But we also start firing missiles back, sometimes as angry. Yeah, and that part is uncharacteristic for us because normally we're just like cool, calm and collective. I'm telling you, the true test of character is when somebody is accusing you of something and when you have the keys to the bus to run them all the way over and you want to and you want to.
Speaker 1:But the hardest part for most people is that communication piece. Initially, because it's hard to communicate about the couples to do this. It's hard to communicate about the kids when there's still so much underneath the surface and a lot of times one person wants to move on but the other person is still like no, we need to focus on the kids now. No, he needs to talk about how he did this, or she, she needs to talk about how she. No, if you guys are no longer together and we're moving forward, yeah, there might be a time and space later down the line, but I'm working with a few guys now trying to find healing right now, enough healing to focus on what matters your kids, what she did or how she said, or, yes, it hurt, it made you angry, what he may have done pissed you off. You don't love him anymore, that's fine. Let's focus on how to improve these kids' lives and help them not to lose the quality of life that they could or should have had. Life has changed for everybody or should have had. Life has changed for everybody.
Speaker 1:So, for the sake of the kids, should a man and we're not talking about the men that probably deserve to be fussed at or that they did some stuff I'm talking about if it's an issue between the mother and the father and it permeates down to the kids, in order, for the sake of peace, the sake of just trying to do for the kids, should the man just kind of accept the accusations, not acknowledge them, but kind of just say, for the sake of peace, all right, I'm going to let you go down the list of stuff. You're sake of peace, all right, I'm gonna let you, you know, go down the list of stuff. The truth, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. And then you have to argue. Listen, you don't have to argue about it, but you don't have to.
Speaker 1:I would never tell anyone to take false charges for anything. Yeah, because, again, you can't un, you can't un, you can't unshoot that gun, so to speak. So many people who tried to unshoot that gun, you can't. Okay, we see it in the court system all the time where they tell us black men to take these plea bargains that have been terrible for us. We take the plea bargain because they say, well, if you take the plea bargain, you'll only do six months, maybe three months, and then you end up doing 10 years because, oh, you pled guilty, you're done.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it trickles down to the kids too. It trickles down to them. They'll, they hear, they know things that are going on. So my thing is now that's they're forming a view about you that is false. That now, okay, you know what? Maybe at the age of 18, 19 or 20, when you're older, now I can kind of sit there and try to convince you of what is the real, when you could have done that from the get-go.
Speaker 1:So I would definitely say no, it's not going to be peaceful, it's not going to be peaceful, it's not supposed to be. And that's the hard part, because we know that once it's just like the conflict in the Middle East, once one missile goes up, guess what's about to happen? There is no peace. I don't know when you have the problem is a soft word turns away rad. There ain't no soft word If somebody's shooting a missile at you for real, I understand what you're saying, brian, I really do. But when somebody is shooting to kill, because that's what they're doing and it makes it puts it puts men in a very difficult situation.
Speaker 1:I know that, um, I was just talking to my lady about this, um, a person that she, um, well, I'll just say he and the mom were trying to work things out. It became difficult and, um, she did what a lot of women do began sprinkling her, um, her story into the kid's life. And the dad was really, really present, paying all this child support. He was coming, he was flying out for games, flying this, flying for that, and the narrative of the mom was the dominant force, and so he didn't know that there was going to be. Well, let's just say he was watching something that was being broadcast online. They were speaking and next thing, you know, he hears this story about how his kid is yeah, when my dad left us, you know, and this, this narrative about how, and he's just like what, and it just caused a lot of I'm turning over the tables in the temple. I'm turning over the tables in the temple where my dad left us. I know a similar story.
Speaker 1:A young man it was in Detroit wanted to be a rapper. Actually, he was doing well, because his stuff made airtime and that's how everybody heard this one particular rap where he talked about when my dad left us and he was like niggas, I'm, I'm sitting next to you, I'm right, we in the car. He heard, he heard. He heard the rap while sitting next to his son as they were going out to a concert or do something like. So he he's trying to figure out Wait a minute, how are you putting this slander out about me? Well, that's what I'm not supportive. In all these years I've been right here. Are we going to have to edit that? No, you're good, that's real Actually. No, you don't have to edit that.
Speaker 1:I wanted to ask Steve and Keith how many times, because I've seen many different broadcasts. I'm curious to know how many times you have heard from the female perspective on this matter, Someone looking back and seeing hey, you know what? That was not good. The reason I say that is because there's a very close family member of mine who recently said I did not handle that situation well, you could have had more access to the father who was trying to do things like, but I made it difficult. And so I'm curious how many times you've heard women talk and admit that, even as I'm saying that, in my own family I've heard that testimony where they're looking back and they're like, yeah, I was on some stuff. I've seen it, I think even living it to some degree where, in those emotions, those raw emotions, in those raw emotions, a lot of those raw emotions A lot of times. Sometimes they know what they're doing and then sometimes, because they're so angry or so hurt at a situation, or can make themselves angry at a situation, I'll give an example.
Speaker 1:Let's say it's been three, four years since they have been divorced, separated, no contact. She's dated to three guys in this time. He has finally decided to date one woman and that was it. They're not going. I don't know this woman he has over there and you're not going over there to be, but she flipped out and at first, when she started coming to therapy, could not see the hypocrisy.
Speaker 1:So you've introduced your son to some people. Yeah, but that's different, because, oh my gosh, but that's different. That's because, no, so he hasn't had anybody around his son. This is the first time he's introduced anybody and he did it in stages where the son was actually okay with this person. His dad was dating. Oh yeah, that's Ms So-and-so. Yeah, she went to the. You know she went on a play like again stages. She came over and had dinner. She worried about that. This woman would eventually be called mom and that part right there. How many kids will hear that who's not the biological father will call another man dad? And that's what was going to be my thing about. What I hear a lot about is that.
Speaker 1:And here's the thing, when it comes to divorce, especially when I'm talking to the couples that are about to go through it or about to, or thinking about doing it, I let them know, like you know the first part of you know, battling divorce and having an understanding of what divorce is. You know, I tell them, like divorce is pretty much the death of a person that's still living, that you're not supposed to hug anymore and you can't hug anymore, right? So, understanding that and getting that ahead of you, I tell them, hey, time is going to heal this, but you have to be having an understanding that this is about to happen. I remember one client I had, where you know they're about to go through it, and I told him. I said, hey, now, mind you, they didn't get a divorce till a year later. And I said, hey, you're about to go through a divorce. It's better to deal with your emotions now than deal with them when it actually happens, when you sign those papers.
Speaker 1:Let's start talking about how you're going to feel. Let's talk. Let's start talking about worst case scenarios. What happens if your child now is calling another man father because you have young kids? How is that going to make you feel? How do you manage that? Because it is a possibility and it's something that you cannot stop. It's going going to happen.
Speaker 1:So a lot of times, being able to deal with even co-parenting is dealing with your own emotions about the divorce in of itself and getting ahead of your emotions before you react on your emotions as well, and sometimes that takes a year in advance. You know, sometimes I call it just one more. I say, hey, guess what? You're about to go through a divorce. Let's deal with this now, before you have to deal with it in the midst of everything. And just a divorce and just dealing with it or whatnot, let's let's think about how you're going to feel now, because you're not going to have the capacity to co-parent. If you're in your emotions about this person who doesn't want this marriage anymore and it may be very well your fault let's deal with all of that, not because you're not going to be able to effectively co-parent with all these other what ifs. Hey, what if he does call her daddy? What if she is bad mouthing you? What if the child doesn't want to see you? What if she doesn't let you see the child? It's all these other what ifs. But let's deal with this fact of you're going through a divorce. It's going to happen before you know. We deal with all this other stuff. It's going to be a lot of emotions that are going to affect it.
Speaker 1:I'll just keep it 100 with y'all because, like I know, I've shared some stuff with Keith. Keith shared some stuff with me. Like, when I say, share some stuff, it's like, hey, I'm about to send this letter, let me take a look at it. I need to say everything in here. He's had to beg. Yo, bro, take that out. I'm like what, what's wrong with that? What's wrong with calling somebody a nasty old snake behind? He's like okay, yeah, yeah, no, absolutely not. And then there's times where y'all already sent it so, like you can tell me what's up. Yep, no backseats, no backseats. So it's a part that the emotions. I still have to say that you can't.
Speaker 1:When you bury emotions, you buried them a lot, like steve was saying. So you, you need to face it. And so if you don't, when you bury emotions, you buried them alive, like Steve was saying. So you need to face it. And so if you don't face it now, you will. They will reemerge and with a vengeance, you know, come about.
Speaker 1:And the thing that matters the most you know I use this analogy you know the story of David and Goliath. So the Bible talks about how they were on a hill over here and the Israelites were on a hill over there. There's this valley in between, and oftentimes wars took place in valleys, and so if you can imagine modern warfare, even old time warfare, people throwing spears and shooting arrows like at each other you have to remember, as parents, that who's in the middle? Your kids. And so you got that big bazooka, you got them grenades, you try to throw at each other, but who's really getting harmed? It's the kids, and so we have to understand that, going in knowing that, ok, this is war, knowing we have the nuclear codes and we can push a button because they pushed their button.
Speaker 1:It's challenging, it's difficult, but we have to just continuously remember who's in the middle, who's really getting the brunt of this warfare, who's going to be irreparably? I'm sorry. No, I saw Keith take a deep breath. I'm like, don? I saw Keith take a deep breath, yeah, because I'm like don't push the button, they are the ones that get. They take on the brunt, whether they understand or don't understand what they're seeing or hearing.
Speaker 1:They, having gone through it and asked, I still ask my kids questions and sometimes I'm amazed by what they tell me, because some things, okay, that's true, and then some things are so like, what are you talking about? That's not why we, that's not why we let me so again. But I'm listening to them and I'm hearing them and I'm seeing again it how, how all of this can impact you, from the divorce to moving Everything's. All of these things are very impactful. But when there's slander and there's backbiting and there's arguing, like I figured out a long time ago not to, I don't say it in front of them, no, all of you guys have heard me express thoughts, feelings, even this week. So, having a place to go and be yourself and not sugarcoat and not yeah Again. You guys, there's no berating. You didn't beat down, you know again, you just allowed me to be me in my space. I appreciate that from every last one of y'all I ain't going to get hit, you just going out and smacking everybody, yeah, but it's like that.
Speaker 1:I understand that the kids take on a lot of that. Then we grow up and then sometimes we grow up to find out what we thought was one way wasn't, and that part that yeah, so oh, ok, go ahead. So I'll say this you know, most of us grew up in a single parent home. You know, it might have seemed to, but it may have been single. Does that have a shaping? How influential was that in how you approached not only relationship but also the divorce and even in raising kids? Kids, did you feel like you needed to do more because you saw, you know, your mom go without, like me, you know I'm. I saw my mom, you know, having a struggle. I and I was like I'm not going to be that guy, I'm not going to do those things, I'm not going to.
Speaker 1:But did that lead to codependency? Does that lead to like overreaching and, you know, just accepting Absolutely. I don't think it automatically does, but it can. It can because you try to overcompensate in that area where you may have had or seen or experienced something. Anybody who wants to be a good parent. If you've had a bad parental situation, oftentimes it's with your dad, whether it's perception or actual, and it affects you. It affects you. It affects you in different ways.
Speaker 1:I don't think that there's a blanket of, yeah, this leads to codependency or this leads to that, but you overcompensate. You can't undo what's been done or act like it didn't affect you. And so for me, my goal in growing my parents were never married, so I never had to deal with a split. I just didn't know what that was like to even have that presence, that male presence in my early years, and so I just wanted to be present for my kids. And so how that impacted divorce is now I can't be present all the time. That was my one goal. But then to know that I was there all the time, that they can depend on me, they can lean on me, and so that that fundamentally shifts. That changes with the L, with the element of divorce.
Speaker 1:But anything you're aware of you can change. Sometimes you, I have battled different behaviors that I now look back and be like, yeah, that was toxic, as I don't know what. But once you're aware, you can begin to shift, you can begin to change, you can begin to do things differently in a way that makes more sense and light with the knowledge that you have. You know, you must be reading my mind. As a segue, I told Keith I was going to ask this question and I got to put it up only because you brought it up, danny.
Speaker 1:So if there is toxic masculinity, then what is toxic femininity? From our lens? We got to put that out there. From our lens, what, what are behaviors that we see that are toxic? Because you know, we hear all the time, toxic masculinity is when you know I'm a man, I'm supposed to be doing all this stuff. I'm, you know, I can't show weakness, I can't, you know, have emotion. I can't be emotionally intelligent or no, we are emotionally intelligent but we can't emote or show that emotion. We gotta always be strong, you know, in, in, that might alienate some people or, you know, hurt the family balance. But what is toxic femininity? I think? I think that may be just, you know, sometimes, when we hear women of from our community.
Speaker 1:You know, just spot out like I don't need a man, I don't need a man. You know, until the late 40s, early 50s hit and we loan and we're trying to figure out hey, how do I get a man? Because now there's no man, my tax bracket left that really want me for me and want me to marry. So you know we hear this narrative about I don't need a man, I don't need a man. And you know, financially nobody needs anybody. If you're taking care of yourself because you're an adult, you're supposed to be taking care of yourself. But God didn't make us like that. We're supposed to have a partner, supposed to have a counterpart, supposed to have somebody. That's going to be a checks and balance for us in an intimate way. And intimacy doesn't just mean, you know, physical, but you know there's other, there's, there's lots of levels of intimacy.
Speaker 1:But to say that and even you know that could go in even for men I don't need a woman, oh, ok, oh. And if you want a man saying, hey, I don't need a man, I don't need a man, I take care of myself, okay To me, you'd be surprised. Man, there's a whole movement of men. There's a reason why there's nobody dating, getting married and making babies. There's a whole generation across the board of men are like we done. For what? Stop trying. You're going to be 60 and lonely, and, in the home, lonely. The implications of that, though, is we die first Because we're not taking our medication, we're not going to the doctor. There's a pain in my side. It hurts a little bit. I'm all right, I can go to work. Put some duct tape on. Put some duct tape. Put some Windex. Spray some Windex. Put some duct tape. Take some Profin. Roll the toilet. You don't need that. Anyway.
Speaker 1:I would say this, because toxic masculinity is anything that I think we do that is seen abusive or disruptive, or so. I'll put it this way, and this might get me in some trouble. I know, listen, because I see this a lot. It's the misuse of your feminine power. To what's the word I want to use, because that's that's I'm to control, to control the outcome, to control, to abuse. Well, to, yeah, to control the outcome, to abuse. Um, I had a list, because I, like I was forming a list in my head, but those were the main two.
Speaker 1:When you take those two energies and you do the crying and the and you know you're wrong, you know you are dead wrong, but you, you try to use your feminine wilds because that's what they are, because they do exist to manipulate, manipulate. There you go. That's control. That's abusive. That's what I would consider, because we don't have an answer for that. There's a time and place. Yes, we do.
Speaker 1:What is that answer then, steve, if we know that you want some BS and you start crying, I'm going to laugh. I'm laughing at you. If we know that you want some bs and you start crying, I'm gonna laugh. I'm laughing at you because I know that you're playing. You're playing, we're playing a game at this point, because you're crying, trying to evoke something out of me and you're trying to manipulate me. So that I know, if I know that you're you're manipulating me, I'm gonna laugh at you. This is nuts. You're playing games to get steve.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I, I love it, steve, because for some reason, we lose sight of the fact that a one-year-old knows how to get you to respond when you're crying, and women retain this as a superpower. It's a good thing. It's just like oh, oh, oh, and they're waiting for the response. They're waiting for the reaction. Are you done? That's not the reaction. Are you done? That's my response. Are you done? That's pretty much it, you're done.
Speaker 1:There's a time and place for those emotions. One of my what was that? What's the movie with Denzel? And was it John Q, do something. His wife called him and lit him up on and told do something. And like a man he went and held the whole hospital hostage and that's the to get a heart for his son. But that again, something like that. That's reasonable.
Speaker 1:She, she doesn't want her baby to like again. That's. I wouldn't consider that toxic. But when I've been to court and I've listened to some of these women lie about With tears, you told me Part of her tears. Well, I did tell him when you get out, what's the plan? He was supposed to stay away from her because she has a restraining order. But what happens all the time? Hey, come on over, I got something for you. I'm going to give you something special. They do that. And so give you something special. They do that.
Speaker 1:He went over there. They end up getting into an argument. She called the police. She cried there's a restraining order. They didn't want to hear nothing else. This man said A good lawyer would say wait a minute. He received a phone call. The burden is on him. You have a restraining order. You should have gone over there, even if she had a whole diamond, mine gold, like I don't care what she was offering, you Don't go over there. He went over there now with a restraining order against him and then with the tears oh my gosh, see, now we need to, just we need to come up and I'm going to say it, if someone takes this idea, meanwhile, the video shows she aggressed him, she physically beat up, like again. There's a video from his phone where she attacked him.
Speaker 1:We don't have a business where we are the people on the telephones when they used to, you know, take the little lines and connect them. So when we overhear something like this, the voice of God says don't do it, you're going to get in trouble. That way. You know there's a pause Because we need to get this word out to some of these brothers if they are getting themselves in trouble, thinking that everything is okay when it is. I'm sorry, I don't mean to dig in this, but this is what she offered. You said she was offering some goodies, goodies, but see, that's that's it, that's it right there.
Speaker 1:And I tell people oh my god, all the time, if you're about, if you're trying to break up with somebody, or if you're about to break up with somebody, do not, do not. This is one of the things I talk. Say, hey, are you? How long do you think it's going to take you to get over having sex with this person? Because you've been living with this person 10, five to 10 years, you're used to having sex with them. This is the person you shall go to person X, y and Z. If you guys about to split, you have to understand to not have sex with this person at all, because it's going to restart everything.
Speaker 1:And I specifically say this with women. Do not have sex with the man because, to the man's point of view, he's going to think everything is okay. I'm able to have sex now again with her, everything is okay. You might have just wanted to get your rocks off again or whatnot, but again it's that thing. And even for men, we got to start thinking with our heads and not our other head, because you've now put yourself in a position to where you're going to be locked up because you were thinking with something else and again.
Speaker 1:But here's the thing. I guess it's been happening since biblical times. It ain't got to stop. We've been controlled with that like no other. Maybe that's the it's just it is what it is. That's their power, that's that's what they're able to wield successfully in just about any and every situation. And if you as a man don't have mastery over yourself like you gonna get got one step one over self, going to get got step one over, you're going to get got that's step one. There's no point in even trying to engage. And what should I say back? Nothing. Work on that first. Work on controlling yourself first.
Speaker 1:Indifference Don't care. I mean, tell the people do not, I hate her, I hate her. That means you're still emotionally attached. You gotta start developing a sense of indifference where you don't care if that lady or that man dates somebody else or gets married somebody else or gets divorced. Either way, you don't care. Because if you care, that means you're invested and that means that you're emotionally responding to that particular person, and they're going to make you act out on those emotions. So develop some indifference.
Speaker 1:What are the steps to getting to indifference? I don't think that it has to be indifference, though, but I think there's merit in saying what Steve is. It's like get to the point where you're emotionally healed in and of yourself. You're healed, you're healed. Emotionally healed in and of yourself means that I've detached from that other person. I'm okay with whatever happens to them, because I've been focusing on becoming a healthier me. I'm dealing with my emotions, I'm dealing with my triggers. I'm dealing with my triggers. I'm dealing with my reactions. They are no longer your responsibility. Yep, no longer your responsibility.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I always tell husbands and wives that are about to get a divorce hey, write on the list of what your responsibilities are to your husband, to your wife, and understand that those will not apply anymore once you sign that divorce. You are not obligated to do this, you're not obligated to do that, and you and it's sometimes it's hard because you've been living your whole life under the guise of a husband or the guise of a, of a wife. And when we're co-parenting, you still kind of sometimes feel like, oh, I got a client where you know he still cooks for for them when he goes. Oh, it's. It's like hold on what we doing here. Now you're upset when she's dating somebody else, but you have not detached yourself from your roles as a husband of what you did. So, yeah, you're going to be mad, detach, have a level of hey, this is not my responsibility anymore, this is not my obligation anymore. Okay, did he feel obligated? Or was he being made to believe that if he did these things, there was something waiting for him at the end? Yeah, oftentimes there is, and it never goes down. It never goes down.
Speaker 1:So I'm just like, hey, at one point when you've done any of these things, has it turned out good? Because every time you do these things, you feel slighted because nothing is happening to you. So what's the point of getting divorced If you're going to continue to still live out these things? You have to detach. And that makes things so much harder when you do not, because you still have that hope of, hey, things will get better. This is that.
Speaker 1:And the third, and it's like, at a certain point in time, people I don't think sometimes people understand how Important it is, to understand how important marriage is, because once you detach from that, once you do get a divorce, it is, is hell, it is, it's a, it's, it's, it's a mental hell trying to navigate that. And what hell is even like you talking about how hell is a separation? That's all, that's what hell is, and so it's an eternal separation. And so I want to go back to say one thing, just one thing and I'm going to shut up is like you use the term indifference Like we were kind of playing around that, but in effect, women and men, we know how to push each other's buttons, and so that woman, she's going to push your button because she knows where the button is, she knows how to push it. She may have refrained, but she knows you have a button, and so what your job is is to dismantle that wiring so that button don't work. No more, it don't work.
Speaker 1:I can't keep you sitting on my sessions, because that's some of the stuff I tell my people is like, hey, right out of the top 10 list of your triggers, right out of the top 10 list of her triggers, see if she knows your triggers, see if you know her triggers. And now, see if she knows your triggers, see if you know her triggers. Now, with those triggers, how do you react? Now, let's figure out how we can not react, since now we know your own triggers, since you know her triggers. It is, it is something we definitely teach, because it's important when those triggers have been deactivated.
Speaker 1:It's almost like becoming one of them shallow monks back in those old karate movies Like you, on a new level now, because you got moves that haven't been seen before. Like, wait a minute, we used to knock you out with that hit every time. But now we do the same move and you you it's your karate kid your woosie finger hold Like you got something, you got something brand new out the box and it throws people off for a minute. But it's necessary. That's it, bro. It's necessary. That's why we have to start with ourselves, because, without learning what our own triggers are, we allow everybody in the world to just step on them, push that button Absolutely. Otherwise we're just going to be mad. We're going to be mad that she keeps pushing that button. She keeps pushing. No, bro, be mad at yourself that you know what. She still thinks. That button still works. Why does that button still work? That is my question. Why does that button still work? That's your job, that's what you can fix. Now we've left men with something to move your buttons out. That's what you can fix now. Now we've left.
Speaker 1:It is harder when the buttons are the kids and the kids are being used, because I don't care about that. She can just take them because, like you said, some men do get to that point and that's not healthy either for anybody. Because then it's like when you I heard this from her family yeah, if you knew mom was crazy, why you leave? Like why you say, if you couldn't deal with, why you leave, why you say, if you couldn't deal with her, why you leave us to deal with her. Basically it was your turn. So if you knew she was this, you knew she was a piece of work, and you left and you didn't take us with you or you didn't at least fight for us to at least come see you at least half the time. So, yeah, we better. You didn't say how does a father fight for his kids where it doesn't I like to say it doesn't piss off the mom, but it's in a What'd you say, keith?
Speaker 1:I said where it doesn't get messy, fighting is messy, fighting is always messy and some, I believe I'm just going to say Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, verse 1. There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the sun. There's a time to just like you know what? She crazy. I ain't got time to deal with this, I just don't have the emotional space and there's a time to strap up and be like yo. All right, not literally, well, I don't know. Well, I'm going to go biblical on you. I'm going to go biblical because when Abraham's nephew got captured because he was down where he wasn't supposed to be, abraham didn't go and pray about that one. No, he wasn't waiting for a revelation from heaven. He's like yo, get the sword, let's roll up, let's go. Let's go, get the strap, let's go.
Speaker 1:Now again, I've talked to guys who've had this situation where the father of the faithful, he was about to throw hands Try Jesus, because I fight, but that was outside of his home. We're talking about inside the home, yeah, inside the home. It's a little more challenging because you know some stuff is going to get broke and sometimes that, sometimes he just said some stuff will get broke. Ecclesiastes 3, verse 1. Sometimes there's a time for everything and there's a time to fight. Sometimes the things that get broken, sometimes the kids.
Speaker 1:And I have a client that, a client where she she has a former client she used her kids to go back over, like when they did the parenting time. She would have the kids go over you know the ex-husband's house, but she would pretty much like use them to pry out information of what's going on. Whose daddy's dating who is she? What she looked like x, y and z, so you put the kids in the middle of it. So now the problem is still, in a certain way, not only about the woman, but now about his own children, and now the kids are feeling a certain way. It's like, oh, maybe I should not. It's like the children now pick a side, yeah, and you know again.
Speaker 1:So again, when you say, like you know, things don't get broke, sometimes it's the kids that are collateral damage, which sucks, and I think the way that we avoid that is understanding and having spaces like this where where we can just be real and be like I'm, I'm trying. Is this a battle I need to fight? Yeah, and somebody who's not emotionally involved can be able to tell you strap up, bro, you got to go fight that one. You know your kids deserve to have you fight for the right to be a present father. Sometimes it gets messy, sometimes stuff might. There's no easy way around it.
Speaker 1:I will say Bendo, we don't have the patience sometimes to fight, because sometimes, unfortunately, especially when the courts become involved, it can be a drawn out process. I don't even like I can't do this another day, and sometimes we do need somebody, like you said, I'll call it a Mickey Rockies coach in the corner. Get back out there. You got this, come on right. So you need I know this sucks, but at the end of this, this, when you have your time and when you have what you imagine, you know you have the relationship with your kids that you imagine, it'll be worth it.
Speaker 1:But right now, yes, going to court and hearing her slander you or even bring even it might be things that are true. She might be bringing up things that you once upon a time did and you and and you know that was 10 years ago, but you, or five years ago, whatever, you've gotten yourself together. It's out there and but we got to do our part to get ourselves together first, because if you're still doing the dumb stuff and you're trying to fight for them, then that's where, like I said, as a guy, I gotta pull your coattails like hey, hey, she might have a point. If you're not stable, if you're not able to take care of yourself, like if you're not stable, if you're not able to take care of yourself like if you're not, if you're not, if you're not well and you're not healthy, then maybe you need to pace yourself and work on those things. Just do some weekend visits, or you know nothing, overnight, or initially like maybe you don't need to rush into anything just yet. But there are those who are still trying to figure themselves out and that's a whole other conversation. That's a whole other conversation.
Speaker 1:As a side note, y'all saw he's here. I'm single parenting this weekend. But what's interesting, I love how he locked himself out of the room that he just barged into. You want me to lock myself out now, dad? I just got to keep him alive for another 12 hours. That's what I got. That means feed him, take him outside, water him, get that hose water. That means he needs water inside and outside. I have learned That'll make a man out of him. Yeah, well, he's coming to practice. Today he gets to see me interact with some of my close friends, which is also important because, again, that's important for young men to see Get you an iron table.
Speaker 1:To me, that's the answer. Get you an iron table because you need people. Don the answer Fine, yeah, you can get you an iron table because you need people. Don't try to do it alone. You're going to go crazy. Get you an iron table oh Lord, have mercy, even if that iron table doesn't have manly men around it. You got to have people who are able to help you be a better version of yourself. Everything else is All right.
Speaker 1:I've got, I would say, about 10 minutes to close, and I want to add this light question, because we went deep. We definitely went deep and I appreciate, you know you guys, being transparent, definitely educating. There's definitely different views and I can't tell who's been through some stuff and who hasn't. So I'm like no man, don't do that. I'm like, boy, we trying to protect you from ever going through this. Keep that sunny, rosy, happy look. Let us deal with the reality.
Speaker 1:One of my favorite verses I love my baby mother. I'll never let her go. Let me just add this, because I'm trying to get him to play video games to get out of the. What is it Minecraft and what is it Roblox? Nba Live 95. I'm done. Okay, I don't know, steve, did I blow your mind? To me it's a. I would say for me it's Contra. No, it's a tie between Contra and Tecmo Super Bowl. Tecmo Super Bowl was good too. It's something about you know, just Wait, wait, wait, wait. What was that other one? What was the first basketball game that was on the Nintendo? Oh, double Dribble, double Dribble. I like Dark Rivals, but I think Double Dribble was first, because I had that Double Dribble. Yeah, I'm about to show my age.
Speaker 1:There was a basketball game on oh my God, these computers where the screen was just black and green. It was Larry Bird versus Jordan. It wasn't Magic versus Bird, was it? No, that was Nintendo version. That was Nintendo right. I was going to say they had Magic versus Bird. Pc was just like these big old floppy discs and the screen was just black and green. And the men, larry Bird and Jordan, it was just like these big old floppy disks and the screen was just black and green. And the men, larry Bird and Jordan, it was just two characters, they were stick figures. I remember that because I think we had it on Game Boy too. I had it on Game Boy. I would say for me, man, it's the video game would probably be just Ninja Turtles, the arcade game with Turtles in Time at the arcade.
Speaker 1:At the arcade, though, not at home. It's just something. It was something magical man about arcades being able to go in, put it in a corner instantly, play, hear the music, hear the sound of everything else. Man, they got a VR thing where you put on your headset and you can literally walk through an old school arcade, where it makes you feel like you're there. It was just something magical and you're connecting with it to where nowadays games now the production value is like $100 million for these things, but you don't feel connected to it. It's like every time you turn on a game, you got to update it and then you got to wait for the shader. It's like. It's like every time you turn on the game, you gotta update it and then you gotta wait for the shader. It's like it's too much. It's too much, it's not instant.
Speaker 1:So when you did go, did you allow three random dudes to drop in some quarters next to you and you got that turtle power going through the arcade? Oh yeah, oh yeah. Did you share your quarters when someone died? It was like I'm about to face a boss. I honestly think I did as a kid. You didn't care, you didn't care, you want to play. You want to play? Here's one. It's one of those mysteries, man. It's from the arcade.
Speaker 1:I saw Mortal Kombat at Arcade Capital on sales. Yeah, I remember that Arcade. The first time I saw Mortal Kombat at Arcade Catering I said that's what they were doing now. Yeah, they have codes in the arcade games, steve, because I know Brian was like up up, down down, left right, left right, b, a, b, a, start, select, start, select, start. There was different codes even in that. You didn't even have to put in for NBA Jam.
Speaker 1:I believe it was like if Detroit played I forget who it was, but Detroit always won, regardless of whatever the score was. It must have been the Detroit-only machines. You can't beat Sean Kemp and Gary Payton. I remember that you could lose, but at the end of the game they would say Detroit win. They would just start win, or like they would just start throwing up stuff and just, he just make it, he just make it, he just started. I mean before, you know, I forgot what game it was at the Detroit and the Lakers, or I forgot who it was, but it was man. You just they would just lose and Detroit would always. And the programmer said that they programmed it that way that Detroit would always win this particular game if they played this team. That's crazy, but it was for you.
Speaker 1:Our games were nice, but what video? Everything was a secret. Everything was secret, man. With the internet now, there are no secrets. Games come out now and you know the whole game before it even hits, because somebody done played the whole thing and then put it on the internet and then you see everything. Nothing's a secret, no more. You don't get a chance to really enjoy everything. That's why things are weird, man. Things are very weird, very weird.
Speaker 1:You don't have to play games anymore, you can just watch somebody else play it. That's the thing too. We have to be together in the room, together with the cartridge or the game system, to actually play. I remember Golden Dawn 64. Golden Dawn or Nintendo 64. Yeah, we played that one too. The screen was just like how it looks now. Right, everybody had their space, but you had to be in the same room, and now nobody got to do that. No more. It's a blessing and a curse.
Speaker 1:Well, I'll let you know for those that are in Maryland I still have my Sega Genesis, I still have the four-player adapter and I still have games like General Chaos yeah, I mentioned that. Nk Live 95, 96. Madden, I got it all. So you know I have to have to make that a reality. But uh, before we go, keith, gotta hear your game. This is unlike the five favorite love songs. You should be able to get this, because I'm trying to think of games too, like what did I play? I played a lot of sports games. So I don't know if I don't know if dude's gonna like a lot of sports games, so, but if don't know if Deuce is going to like a lot of sports games, but it says if I could play them today.
Speaker 1:I mentioned General Chaos. I'll say General Chaos because I said that at your house the other day. I asked you if you had it, just because of nostalgia. I just remember playing it. I don't even think it had an end in sight. You just go to the next level and go to the next level.
Speaker 1:As I got older, I like, for some reason it was the conquest games, like Age of Empires and some of these, some of those. But at his age, like Steve said, I was like the Ninja Turtles, the Contras, like all those games, nba, jam, live I'm trying to think what hasn't been said, that I, because I mean Blockbuster was out, so like every week I was getting new games to test out on it. Basically Arrows for those in Maryland, arrows, the Mike Tyson punch outs, oh yes, well, mike Tyson was the man. That one was hard as I don't know what. Once you figured out the sequence for each person, it gets easier. But yes, as a kid I hated it. I could get to Mike Tyson but I couldn't beat him. But I figured out what to do and it works. So yeah, street Fighter, I'm trying to think, I'm trying to think, all I'm trying to think.
Speaker 1:I hear no one talking about Super Mario Bros or Sonic. Oh, I still play Mario Kart. I like Mario Kart. That's a game favorite in our house because, again, all of us can play it. Everybody can play it. That's what it's all about, alright. Well, it's gets, everybody can play. That's what it's all about, all right.
Speaker 1:Well, it's time to shut this down. Any final words? Parting thoughts, or was it parting words? Final thoughts? There we go For me. I already said it Get you an iron table, get in community, so that you can have people to pour into your life.
Speaker 1:I remember man who was that, that was on as a guest months ago. He was like you need somebody to push, somebody to pull and somebody to you know like you need people in your life though Ski-Lo, yeah, I'm saying he was talking about yeah, ski-lo, yeah, he was just sharing. But having people in your life, bro, because we all need, we need a brother is born for adversity. The bible says better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away. Like you got to have people. It is not good that man should be alone. Ain't just about marriage, it is not. We are made to be in community. Interdependence is of greater value than independence, and so I just want to encourage everybody who's here like do the uncomfortable. Made to be in community. Interdependence is of greater value than independence, and so I just want to encourage everybody who's here like do the uncomfortable thing we were talking about video games.
Speaker 1:Practice community and you'll get better at it. True, I'll jump in Parting words. As you're practicing community, do it with intent to deactivate that button. Work on yourself before you engage. Build a strong defense. Work on yourself. I've told this. I tell this to myself and others. You know it's hard to argue truth when they see it. So if you don't do the things you did, you don't behave the way you behaved, you don't lose your temper and jump off the deep end, as you once did, then it's hard for people to continue to always. There's going to be some who always want to hold you under that. But as you live your life, and you live it differently, the proof's in the pudding, as they say. So work on yourself. First, do some healing, deactivate those buttons and then engage.
Speaker 1:I would say parting words, kind of piggybacking off of what you guys say. But just just stop, just stop. Just when you feel yourself about to just go, just just stop. You have the power to, to stop the madness. Just don't even say nothing, just stop. Sometimes it's just that easy Just stop, Just don't say nothing. You know, just keep it moving.
Speaker 1:Practice that when you're just out in the world, somebody cuts you off or somebody you know, some of the cashier kind of getting snappy with you, don't just stop, don't say you can think whatever you want to think in your head, think about what you want to do and what you want to say, but just stop, just just shut up. It's, it's, it's very easy, it's very simple. Just shut up. It starts with you, okay.
Speaker 1:Well, I just want to say thank you, you know, thank you to these guys for, you know, bringing their truth, bringing a little bit of reality in a comedic way. This is why I created Iron Table. It wasn't just about what I needed. It was about what we all need and, as you said, you know, need a community that will challenge the narrative, cause you to pause to think for a second and not just react. It's because when we react, we're using our emotions, and our emotions are something that changes with the wind. It's got to be about a chess move, not just checkers. So, thanks to the guys. They didn't know what we were going to talk about today, but I just had to get it out there.
Speaker 1:So, as always, iron Table is iron sharpens iron men, sharpen men. You can find us on YouTube. If you're already on YouTube, you're watching us, but if you want to hear the audio version, there's Buzzsprouts. There's also Apple Podcasts, amazon Music and all other major podcasting brands. As always, just stay real. There's always room at the table and we are out. Well, it's closing time. We are glad you stayed with us this long. The bill oh, we tore that up, for truth and accountability are free. You want to leave a tip? Sure, we take your money, but what's even better is if you share this with someone you know, for there's always room for more at the iron table.
