The Iron Table
The Iron Table
Redefining Success Beyond Degrees and Dollars
What happens when you balance humor, thought-provoking discussions, and a dash of fatherly wisdom? Welcome to the Iron Table, where we kick off with an engaging check-in among Bryant, Keith, Danny, and Steve. From Danny's cryptic classified assignment to Steve's hilarious experiences at recent car events, there's no shortage of laughs and personal updates. You'll hear about the challenges and joys of aging, especially when it comes to playing basketball with their sons, and the reflective moments that come with passing the torch to the next generation.
Ever felt frustrated when an organization changes its fundraising plans without informing you? We get into the nitty-gritty of trust and accountability in charitable donations, drawing parallels to biblical stories to underscore the importance of transparency. The ethical implications of not keeping donors in the loop are vast, and we emphasize the moral duty organizations have to communicate changes and offer choices for redirecting support. This segment serves as a powerful reminder of the necessity of honesty and integrity in maintaining donor trust.
Higher education debt and the evolving definition of success are hot topics that we tackle head-on. We explore the societal pressures pushing young adults into expensive four-year colleges and the financial strains that follow. But what if success isn't just about a degree or a high-paying job? We highlight alternative pathways like community colleges and trade schools, emphasizing personal growth, freedom, and holistic well-being over material wealth. Our conversation spans from redefining success in faith relations to navigating different expectations within relationships, all while stressing the importance of communication, spiritual alignment, and mutual respect. Join us for an episode packed with humor, reflections, and invaluable life lessons, right here at the Iron Table.
Iron. So should men sharpen men. I am your host, bryant Goddine, and I'm joined by my brothers, keith, danny and Steve. We're your waiters, serving you accountability and truth. We now bring you to our program Already in Progress. All right, welcome to the Iron Table, where iron sharpens iron. So should men sharpen men. As you heard, I'm Brian. I'm brought to the table by my brothers, keith, danny and Steve. I'm going to try to bring you a little bit of truth, a little bit of humor and a lot of accountability.
Speaker 1:Before we get into our opening question, I just want to check in on my brothers and see how they're doing since the last time, if there's anything new, anything they want to share, anything they want to keep a secret and they wouldn't share it Looks like Danny's out in the woods, so we don't know what he's doing. Maybe he'll tell us, maybe he won't. We'll go in that order. We'll start with Danny. Yeah, I'm on a classified assignment. I knew it, we already knew. See, I told you, I told you. I'm surprised he showed up. Cool, cool. You've been doing all right other than that assignment.
Speaker 1:So are you still putting out your inspirational messages? I know May was the, you know, I think was like less than a minute. Yeah, that was like three years ago, okay, man ago. Okay, just asking, yeah, but um, no, we still. We got content coming out every day, um, and so it's continuous journey where we are, um, partnering with others who want to get back to imaging the all-powerful God and creator of the universe. So, hope, diller, okay, hold on. Pain ends, that's right. Every storm eventually runs out of rain. Show me one that did. Yeah, even the one in the Bible stopped after 40 days, that's right. All right, steve, it hasn't been nothing much going on this last week or so has been more just cruising car events.
Speaker 1:I don't want to see another Mustang. I don't want to see another Corvette for a very long time. I'm good, I'm good, I'm just tired. Just tired, jones, I put some wheels on this amp that I've had for about X amount of years. It's a big amp, and I finally put some wheels on that thing. So I've just been wheeling the amp from room to room Having concerts, just because you can't, just because I can't, that's about it, trying to protect this back of mine. I don't want your back blown out, no, and this amp will. This amp will tear it all up. Well, it's heavy, but I should have put wheels in this ages ago. Everybody kept saying I'm good, I got it. I got it. Yeah, I don't got it.
Speaker 1:Well, even if I do, I want to preserve and conserve that energy for some other things. Okay, don't tell us what those things are. They'll be all wrong folks. My son thinks he can beat me in basketball, so I got to conserve the energy. Make sure you use this. Make sure you use this For the things that matter.
Speaker 1:Use them elbows. It's getting close. It's inevitable. One day it's going to happen, but I'm going to make them earn it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my son, a couple years ago I had them deceived into thinking that I would always be superior and then this one day, it was just like you know, sometimes you can kind of fake it. It's just like yeah, no, no, hold on, y'all, go ahead, y'all go ahead. Today I was actually trying to hoop and I didn't win and it was just like hold up, it's a good thing. It is a good thing. Passing the torch? That's it. It has to happen at some point. No, it doesn't. That's it. It has to happen at some point. No, it doesn't. Has LeBron James passed the torch? You're in denial, brian, I'm not in denial, he is not. So I still have time. There's no denial. I still have time. Right now he's at an age you can still. Yeah, but one day, the inevitable, you're going to look up and it's going to be game point and they're going to be in the league and I'll be like I bet you win. Yeah, you're not going to be able to say that, nah, I don't care what it is, they don't care, I beat dad is the story that is going to go out. So what's interesting about that is I remember playing with my dad basketball.
Speaker 1:They might've been 17. And I was. I was in my church, I don't know why. We were out there and I was in church and you know I beat him and he was like he looked at me and he was hurt and I was like what's wrong? He was like elbow me as if you don't know me. I was like what's wrong? He was like man, you elbow me as if you don't know me. I was like Dad, I'm just trying to play basketball. I said, but I'm your father. I've never had anyone be that aggressive on the court. I was like man. This is how I know to play basketball, if I'm going to back you down. You're going to get them bows. Arch rivals I'm going to horn it, that's all right. And Bill Lambeer bows. Bill Lambeer, I got time.
Speaker 1:Deuce is nine. I can still outrun him. I may not be able to out limbo, but I can still do something. Enjoy it. We'll play games. He's beat me in Uno. That's something I can't control.
Speaker 1:Nowadays we have eight different versions of Uno Uno Flip, uno Attack, uno Uno Uno Minions. I mean, there's just so many different versions. One of the things I told him I ain't going to let you win. I need you to feel it, I need you to want to win. I'm not going to let you win, not going to let you win, but I got time. So maybe, hopefully, the next time we meet, my head won't be down. I'm like what happened? He beat me, he can out swim me, but hey, I don't get in the water. I stay on land, alright.
Speaker 1:So I got this question, me and a friend of mine. Just go by his first name, lamont, so he can get a shout out. I'm access to Keith, but I'm access to y'all. Give you scenario, all right.
Speaker 1:There is a young person, young person just graduated from high school and they were talking about going to college. As we all know, college is not cheap. Even if it's community college, there's still some cost. You can get a scholarship and there's still some cost. So there were scholarships, but there were some costs associated. And a family relative they maybe sent out, say like a GoFundMe, or sent out a request and people donated funds for this 18-year-old. Well, the 18-year-old, one week from going starting school, decided that they did not want to go to college. My friend was like they owe me an explanation. I was like do they know? Because they're kind of an adult, you know, you know ask, was it about the money?
Speaker 1:And so the question is you know, if a person, if you were to donate to a cause, and that cause was that person was to change their mind of what that cause is, was that person wants to change their mind of what that cause is? Is it right to ask for a refund of that donation? Now, that's the general, that's mandatory, what you mean. Right, but why? I mean donate? Here's my question. My question is you're asking just in general, because this happens all the time in church. See, look, you know where I'm. No, you must be looking at my plate. I'm just wondering. I'm wondering if it's a general question or it's focused on this situation and scenario. So it sounds like you're going somewhere. I mean it was focused on that, but I kind of knew it was going to get tired.
Speaker 1:Now let me add in an extra caveat the person who received the funds was not the original. The person who was intended for so say, the family member collected the funds. They went out, made purchases on behalf of the young person, gave the young person that took the receipts and the card they used to pay for this stuff back with them. They're not in the same area. So the young person doesn't have the ability to return these items Because either you need the card or you need to receive. Is that young person still responsible for returning, for making restitution? Yes, they changed their mind.
Speaker 1:Okay, I just heard one. Yes, and I don't even think is it ventriloquist, because I think that was from steve, but I don't think I heard his mouth. It surely, it surely was. Oh, okay, so, because it was like yes, I'm just like what? So I mean, but what are the reasons, the rationale why? I mean, can a person change their mind and once you give something, is it still yours? That's a better question.
Speaker 1:You gave it, I gave it, but I gave it for a cause. I gave it for a purpose. I gave it for an understanding that my funds would implement or secure or create this. If you're telling me that this no longer is happening, then give me my money Exactly Again.
Speaker 1:If you change the plan, at least send me a notice or a letter saying our foundation has changed the trajectory of our plan. We will no longer be building a 10-story building, we're going to build a two-story building. But we appreciate your donation to the cause. Tell me something. But to say I need your money to help me get what I'm trying to achieve and then just completely back out of it and don't say nothing. The next time you come look at like anybody's foundation, next time you come looking for some donations, guess who will not be donating? All the people you screwed over, even if you didn't do it like you said, if somebody did it on behalf, but they used your name to do it. If you don't clarify that, it's not going to look good on you.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to jump in and just kind of play devil's advocate here from from um, from the book of Genesis. All right. So God forms man out of the dust of the ground, right, he breathes into his nostrils the breath of life. Man becomes a living soul. God creates us to be his imagers who were to image him the all powerful God and creator of the universe. He's, he is. We are his many needs, all right. And so he creates us for a specific purpose.
Speaker 1:Now we go off and the female counterpart starts talking to snakes. And the female counterpart starts talking to snakes. We're going to leave that alone for right now. But the male counterpart goes off and is just like yeah, I ain't going to live without this, so I'm going to choose this instead of you. So now we have a flawed human race that is preoccupied to the point where, like three chapters later, we're just only evil continually.
Speaker 1:And so the question now begs okay, how does God answer this question? So, when we get to chapter six of Genesis, he's grieved that he even made man. I'm sorry, I gave y'all breath and I'm about to take it back. And so now this is the one instance in the scripture that he has that kind of modality. But in general, like every person who is not serving him has his breath Like if you cussing, you cussing with the breath that he gave you, if you fornicating, you fornicating with the that he gave you, with the that he gave you, like when, when you're and um.
Speaker 1:Last last analogy I'll point out is this in daniel, chapter five, he is um, there's this, this king, the grandson of nebuchadnezzar, and he goes and gets the sacred goblets that were taken from the temple of jerusalem. He wants to use them for this mess over here, praising the gods of gold, silver, iron, brass, wood, craziness. And so God don't like that, because they were supposed to be for special use. And even as crazy as the previous king was, he knew better than to go and take that and to come and do some old foolishness. And so I do think that, biblically speaking, we have a precedent to be able to say that when something's intended for a special use, that it should be reserved for that, and if and when we don't just expect for judgment to come to pass, you know, for somebody to be weighed on the balances and found wanting For somebody to have a courageous conversation.
Speaker 1:And the dude who was in that last story in Dance of the Five, he lost his life that very night. And so, like I ain't saying that the people who owe me gonna die. But you did to me, but they did to me, right, but that? But I mean, does that person really owe an explanation If I didn't know if, up until the goal line, I know I'm going to run, but then I change and pivot for some reason? That only makes sense to me, do I? Am I beholding upon you guys by saying, hey, you know what Outside of, I didn't do it.
Speaker 1:I know there are situations where people were planning to go to school and they were ready to go to school and as they were getting ready to go to school, family situations, emergencies happened, didn't have enough money or just didn't change the plans and they went to the cosmetology school instead. Again, she still needs the money to buy resources and things that she will need for that process. But it was communicated to the people who don't know to thank you. But my plans have changed and you know, I'm still furthering my education, I'm still bettering myself, but I won't be going to the four year university to do it myself, but I won't be going to the four-year university to do it.
Speaker 1:In that case, the communication is what buffered that anger or that frustration Because, like you said. People were like well, I gave it to you because I thought you were going to school, but technically you're still going to a school, so, whatever, just keep it. So it gave them the choice to say keep it versus yeah, I'm calling the audible and I'm keeping your money. No, I think that it's. It doesn't require that you know a response or anything like that, but require you give me my money back. Because at the end of the day, if you had sent there and said that I'm going to have a GoFundMe page for such and such and such and such instead of school people have given you money, then it's like that. And again being able to have that conversation and say, hey, this is what I'm doing, and then allowing people to say, hey, keep the money or not, that's something else as well. But no, you know, definitely you got to give them the money back, you know, because that's not what is intended for and a lot of times the things were given with one particular intention and then you go, go left with something else, and then something happens to you because you went left. Now I kind of feel a certain way or feel responsible because of you know, I help fund you going left, you know. So give my money back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll say that just to kind of circle back on the examples I gave with Genesis and in Daniel, chapter five, god gives us the choice Right, so we can choose to do whatever we want, but that we cannot absolve ourselves of the consequences of those choices. Like there's going to be some some things that transpire and so, like we can do whatever we want, we can. That's, that's a principle that is from Genesis, chapter Adam. You're free to eat from any tree that you want. You, you can go where you want and you can do what you want. You can obey me. You can not obey me. You're not a robot. But just know that while you're free to choose, you're always going to have this principle of reaping what you sow. And so, in this context, if I put vegetable oil in my car that I'm sitting in right now, which I'm free to do I can pour water in it, go for it. I mean, how that works for you, that's it. I can pour apple juice in the tank. I'm free to do whatever I want. You can do that. This is my car, but there's going to be some logical reap what you sow, moments that are going to follow those decisions that I make, and so, in this context, I think that that's perfectly understandable, as well as all others.
Speaker 1:Now, what if the person can't repay? Huh, why not? Well, if it's half a deadline, like you can't get your money back I know from working in financial aid there's a certain, there's a certain date that you have to withdraw by, or the money stays with the school. You can't get it back. Oh then, he going to school. We gonna make sure he's going to school. He's going to school. Somebody's going to school. Somebody's going to school. He's going to school. Somebody's going to school. Somebody's going to school.
Speaker 1:If I understand correctly, the money that was collected was taken and things were purchased not by the child but by an adult. The child naturally could not, would not be legally, I mean, depending on how old they are, may not be. Legally, I mean, depending on how old they are may not be responsible for it, because they had no access to it. So so here's my question, though with that name is on it, because I, like I mentioned before, like I mentioned donald trump, no, you know, he has people handling his, his foundations and things, and they were doing some stuff and they got in trouble, but his name is on it. So not only do they not trust the people that work for him, but they don't trust him either. Even if he didn't handle any of those foundations by with his own hands, his name was on it.
Speaker 1:So and but but that, that that begs to to serve the question could we have saw this coming a lot of times, people when we're talking about college a lot of times, people, when we're talking about college, a lot of times people push their kids to go to college because maybe that was something that they want to do or they feel like that's something that just the kids should do, not understanding, first and foremost, college is not for everybody and, first and foremost, college is not for everybody at the age of 18. So sometimes we're pushing a narrative that doesn't need to be pushed right now, and now you're stuck in a hot spot because now the kids change his mind because this is not what they want to do, or something maybe may have come up. And that reminds me of my situation where Steve, keith, danny and I went to the same school from grade school, high school and even college, and I picked the college because it was kind of peer, not peer pressure, but it was peer comfortable, I'll say that, going someplace where you would know. But I mean, and I gave up, I gave up a full ride to another HBCU. You ain't tell me that, brian. You ain't tell me that either. I had a full ride because I remember when I was like wait a minute, when they came up to the forge and they were giving out scholarships and they was like, well, here, mr Ditter, we got a 3.45 GPA, here's $200. It felt like it was a coupon. But then the person and then the person next to me was maybe the sergeant in arms for, for, like USM, it's like here is fifteen hundred. It's like I said we not valuing education, or something like that I was like bump that I'm still going to go because I had friends, and it was that small little bubble that I was in went over.
Speaker 1:Now, what I know, now I wouldn't be like it was cool to know you. I don't need to be on the cover of a CD. I don't need to be on the cover of a CD. I don't need to go to Jamaica or share a small bowl of beans with Danny and like two Franks. You remember that? That was the thing. Yeah, you barely remember, but that was what was kind of taught my parents said you want to go to college? It wasn't go get a trade, go do this, you know. And then even our peer circle we had a different world, which had a big explosion on historically black college attendance and it was just like that's what you did attendance and it was just like that's what you did.
Speaker 1:Now, as I'm looking at it, you know and again, I have a nine year old, so I have some time you know, we've told them like it started out. You don't have to go to college, but you got to have a training. If you choose not to go, you got to have something. And we are very transparent with you know, this is how much it costs. This is what the work is. Think about that. You know, because, praise God, I don't have student loans anymore, but when I had them it was, it felt like an albatross around my neck. It affected relationships, affected marriage. I was ashamed to carry that much debt. So I was like when I heard this story, I was like when this person changed their mind Leprosy, black. I ain't want to share that. You felt ashamed. You felt ashamed. I don't feel ashamed. I felt the shame. Reparations Well, steve know my plan. They never get that money back, yeah, so y'all pretty much like at the new beach and walking around like what? Yeah, I got it. That's fine. So did.
Speaker 1:It was the amount, because if you think about it, if you go to an in-state school, it is a third of a cost of certain colleges. Why are we spending so much to get virtually the same education? Brian, you have no idea. I went to an out-of-state college, a private out-of-state college. That's where we went. Oh, ok, state College, a private Iowa State College, that's where we went. Oh, okay, the donations was. I mean, I had to work during the summer. I think I had four jobs in addition to singing, making cold calls. Would you like to donate $20 for 24 months, the 2024 plan? I didn't even touch the actual tuition. I didn't even touch the actual tuition. I just paid for registration and dorm fees. Right, let alone you.
Speaker 1:If the person changed their mind, there might be a valid reason. Are they beholden to the return? But that talk has to be done. Well, before then you go out and put a GoFundMe page. It's like hey, the conversation is hey, look, we're putting out a GoFundMe page for people to help you. Are you sure this is what you want to do? There can't really be any backseats.
Speaker 1:They said yes at that point in time. At that point they said yes, but I'm saying a week before this is an 18-year-old hybrid. I've had three 18-year-olds. This is an 18-year-old hybrid. They don't know. Think about it. I'm going through this right now. All you had to do for the last 12 years is get up, go to school. Get up, go to school. Now you hit 18 and you're supposed to know what you're doing for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1:But that's my point. You see, everybody in your class, like Bryant said, senior year, everybody's bringing their notes, their letters, to school. I got accepted here, I got accepted there, and you're seeing all these people excited about people who are going to college. Nobody's excited about the trade people. Nobody seems excited about you needing a gap year to figure out what you want to do, but being patient enough to see these kids through and not feel like they're failures because they don't know and they genuinely don't know. So sometimes that's the point though, understanding that and knowing that, it's like okay, well then, maybe not go to a place where we have to spend so much money in order for you to go to college.
Speaker 1:What's wrong with community college? People know how to play community college and it's like, hey, you can get community college for a third of the price. And it's sometimes it's the teachers teaching at the full the the four-year universities. They teach at the community colleges too. So instead of just saying, hey, you know what, there may be some things going on or whatnot. So maybe, maybe not a four-year college, let's look at a community college, let's, let's, let's try that out first, instead of then putting all the eggs in this particular basket. Then it backfiring on you. Now you're looking stupid because it's like, well, all these people helped you and now you didn't even need it because you changed your mind because, like you said, keith, you're 18. So why not? Don't make the stakes so high at this point. Go to community college. Nothing's wrong with that.
Speaker 1:Get those first two years out the way. Most of them are prerequisites. By then you'll know what you want to do or you have the opportunity to pivot. You might not know what you want to do, but you can finish it and then, like most adults that I know ain't did nothing that they studied in school. Who wants to pay me twice a month? But you will, okay, what do y'all want me to do? Okay, alright, I guess that's what I'm doing Pretty much For the next 30 years Pretty much. I know.
Speaker 1:Most of the people I know are not doing what they did in their undergrad. Most of the people I know they even master. Sometimes they got out. They found an inch later doing something, sometimes totally different, not even in the same ballpark. I just wanted some letters behind my name and I didn't have a kid yet. But that's what we were told. We were told we would get opportunity, we would have all these things this money, this house and the picket fence, like we told them. If we went to school, our lives would be totally different.
Speaker 1:What I always say, keith, when I tell I say what you get your lie in when I'm asking somebody about their degree, what you get your lie in, because it's the great lie, it's the great deception and it's not fair. Because then, after you do what you're supposed to do, and then you have this debt of $100,000 to $200,000 if you go to this prestigious school, but what happens if you're only making $50,000 to $60,000 a year? How am I supposed to pay this back. Get a house, start a family, get a car. Come on, it doesn't make sense. It's a big deception, it's a big lie. I need to do that, t. You got a bad thing to do. It's a lie. It's not fair. But you know what? They're getting their comeuppance because a lot of kids are like I'm not doing this. A lot of kids are saying this is stupid, this doesn't make any sense At this point in time, when we're talking about making money, I'm going to go into debt to make a little bit of money.
Speaker 1:No, this is foolishness. So you know, we have to restructure even how we even talk about when it comes to education. It's major debt, not even just a little bit of debt. Yeah, you're right, it's a lifetime. A lifetime of debt. It is a lifetime of debt. And you want me to sign up for a mortgage, which is also a lifetime of debt. That's 30 years. What's the point? That's 30 years Again, unless you find ways around it.
Speaker 1:So, bryant, if I knew you had a full ride, I would afford you. I probably would afford you too, bryant. That's why we're on stream. Y'all Just find you a Philistine woman like Samson, one that pleases you well, right over there and it's like y'all good bro, yeah, it was what? To Bowie State Not to be like that, but we went amongst our own people and we know what that looks like. I'm sorry, that's no bad.
Speaker 1:So, speaking on, because now that we've been in this game this long and we've seen, we were taught success was one way we're seeing success is a different way. What is success from, like, your perspective and how has society? I would say either you know either poisoning the water or how can you say that you know that this is still successful. It may not be your success, but it's still successful, because what I've seen is that if we're all going for the same prize, only one of us is going to get it and the rest of us is going to feel bad. I mean, we're going to feel less than, and it might carry over into other things. So you know, I've seen that success is change. You know no longer is it. You know going, just going to college. It might be going to trade, it might be investment, you know starting off really small. Um, it might be entrepreneurship, it might be there's so many different things or it might just be being okay in your skin.
Speaker 1:But what is success from a man's perspective? Because we also have to factor in that. You know we have women in our lives that have their own view of success and their success for us. And so what is it from? Yeah, what is it from a man's perspective, you know, understanding how it, how free it feels to not only own your own and do your own after being quote unquote I call it enslaved after all these years. You know, a lot of people ask well, how come they don't have slaves anymore?
Speaker 1:I said, well, because we voluntarily go into slavery ourselves after going into college, going into work, doing these particular things, giving our lives 40 hours a week, these particular things, giving our lives 40 hours a week, you know. You know, after coming from that to then owning your own and doing your own and walking your own, it's, it's, it's my idea of success is just having that freedom to go to and fro without having to look at, you know, going into particular, a particular building 40 hours a week for pennies. You understand what I'm saying and these are things that they don't teach you in school, you know. So you know looking at freedom and being able to not have to. I'm not going to say answer to anything, but being able to call your own shots and to be able to have that opportunity to not be, you know, having somebody always over your shoulder. You know what I mean Because you know, as we all know, we can go into a job and have very good intentions of you know.
Speaker 1:You know the interview process. Hey, you know you need me to do this. Okay, you know what I can bring this, I can provide this, I can do this, I want to do this, I want to change this. X, y, z, oh yeah, we want, you, want you. Then, when you get in the job, guess what? Oh, you know what, no, not this, not that, and that could be very discouraging when, for people that actually want to help and change things, you know, um, so you know, I would definitely say safe, say freedom, you know, success for me will definitely be just freedom and understanding that I am not, um, a slave in the system anymore.
Speaker 1:Okay, keith, is success tied to money? For me, it's multifaceted. One of the verses that I kind of hang that success hat on is Luke 2.52, where it says and Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man. It's multifaceted, it's not one thing Like he grew. I was even studying this morning in John Luke Luke chapter one. It was talking about how John, the son of Zachariah and Elizabeth, he grew. So it's like the continuous growth, holistic growth and development, that that encompasses all things, because we can be rich in one area and steeped in poverty in another. You know, like just the people who have money.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I think it was bob martin who said if, um, something along the lines of you know all you have is money, it's something about like how, how poor you are. I have to look it up. Yeah, you're really poor if all you have is money, something along those lines. Isn't that something poor people say? Say again, isn't that something that poor people say If all you got is money, you ain't got nothing? Yeah, well, I mean, even the Bible does say money is the answer to everything. I mean you definitely need money to be able to do stuff, even ministry, like if you do a ministry. You can't do ministry without money. Jesus had a money bag, all right. That's why Just keep asking us for money. Yeah, you gotta have money. But going back to your question, it's multifaceted to me Like to see how the Bible describes Jesus's growth and development. I want the same to be said about me have a relational wealth, that I have a well-rounded package. And it kind of goes back to something that I heard. I never, ever, ever forgot it.
Speaker 1:I was sitting in Moran Hall upstairs and they were doing a like it was alumni weekend, where they were coming and doing like career day, and we asked I think I asked the question like what was? What was it? So we're talking to some really successful people and they had a lot of different things. And one of the men when asked the question hey, what, what would be your ultimate measure of success based on what you achieved? And he said these were. He said being a good father. And I said these words. He said being a good father. And I said interesting, Like it had nothing to do with the degree, with his accolades, with his career.
Speaker 1:Because at the end of life, who is wishing for more time or for more money, or for more material, more awards or plaques on the wall? Who's wishing for that? No, we're wishing for more time with the ones who count most and like that is kind of how I'll hang my hat like holistically growing in the areas of life that matter most. That's success to me, because, if you could, because if you're wealthy in one area but you're in poverty in another, what is that? That's not the divine model where he's just like, hey, life, and life more abundantly, yeah, okay. Well, success is along the lines of some of what was said before. It is not just a monetary destination. For me, it is those things that are you can't, really, it's hard to score them. It is again being a good father, being a friend. Really it's hard to score them. Is again being a good father, being being a friend, big like, it's hard to it. It actually doesn't have anything to do with money.
Speaker 1:Some days, as I look at what I personally value, I look at growth. Like danny said, am I still in the same place? I was two, three, four, five, six, ten years ago, because I work with people, people, and Steve can attest to this when you've been traumatized, you know you get stuck. So am I still stuck? Am I still walking around with the mentality of a 13, 14, 15 year old? I look at growth as so many different things and wealth so many different things. Outside of money. Success is failure and wealth so many different things. Outside of money. Success is failure. Success is learn, but not just failure, but learning from those failures.
Speaker 1:Success, because you don't get to those places where you grow and you have that I'll call it worldly success without going through certain chapters of loneliness. Failure, just disappointment. And I think, without experiencing those you don't get to a place of success. Because there are chapters of life where we have to go through things and to me I define my success on my ability to connect with God, because that's ultimately who determines for me my success. My degree doesn't do that, my degree I don't care. If I write 100 books, if I don't have, if I'm not for me, if I don't, if I'm not connected to the source, which I believe is God, then I won't be successful. I'll have stuff but I won't be successful. Then I won't be successful. I'll have stuff but I won't be successful. And so for me that I feel like when there's a gap there that you know that limits most of our success, because we don't know what we're doing and we don't know who we're doing it for.
Speaker 1:I got a follow up. I'm sorry, I know you probably about to say something too, but I want to follow up question to what Keith was saying about when it comes to relationship with God and the notion of success or whatnot. But I'm sorry, just remind me to ask that. No, I'm going to ask. This is about a pivot moment. A pivot moment.
Speaker 1:My question for everybody is when we're talking about success and we're talking about in a relationship to God, what would you qualify as having a successful relationship with God? And I ask this question because I asked Keith a question earlier this week about does he hear God? Like, do you hear an audio voice of God? You know what I mean. When you look back in the Bible, you hear how God would talk to the people. God walked amongst people. It sounds and it looks like you know people heard an audio voice of God, or you know, you know maybe the image or whatever it may be voice of God, or you know, you know maybe the image or whatever it may be. But my question to everybody is, when we're talking about success and we're talking about our relationships with God, how do you define your success with having a relationship with God and do you hear God? And when you do, when you hear God, is it more of an emotion or is it more of a audio thing? Or you know, because we were talking about, like you talking about.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, if people say they heard something or they hear voices, we put them in the loony bin. But at a certain point in time, are we hearing God? I know I'll probably date myself by saying that, but again, I just would like to kind of pick your brains on that, because it's an interesting thing to say. Do we actually hear God and how do you differentiate hearing God from hearing your own voice, that voice in your head? For me, my response to that question is I build my faith on the Bible, god's Word. It's the Constitution, so it's the Supreme Court authority by which everything is judged. So if there's a thought that I have, or an impression that comes upon me, if it's in line with the Word of God, then I take that as God, and so I will say that's an impression. So like to put it in perspective, let's say I am. Let's take the fifth commandment. It's right in the middle.
Speaker 1:So if I'm out here cussing and fussing and stealing from my parents because they're old and senile and like I'm not honoring them, that's not going to sit right in my spirit. Why? Because I know that there's a whole principle that has a whole promise to it that says, when I live in line and in harmony with this, blessings will come, and when I'm out of harmony with it, I'm going to have that thought in the back of my head. Yeah, I know this is wrong. I know that. You know what. I'm about to get a nail in my tire tomorrow. You know I'm about to have a tax lien to come on my. You know I wouldn't expect for blessings to come from me when I'm out of harmony.
Speaker 1:And so for me, when you have the thought that is in line with your belief system, for me that's the Bible. I take that as God, and so success in spiritual things is my life in harmony with it. So I got a guitar right here and so I always got an instrument. But there's a thing called these tuners and if it's not in tune it ain't going to sound good. You'll know. You'll know. You just know Everybody, everybody, going to know. Why is it always that Is my life in tune with the frequency of heaven, because by doing that I'll have success, I'll be able to make music with my life and everyone will benefit and enjoy.
Speaker 1:I'll say for me I grew up in Christian education Go ahead and collect the offering for this man. I grew up in Christian education, so it was around week four or seven In the same building, seven days a week. But for me, success is the fact that I still want to do right. I may not always do right, but the wanting to do right, and you know, god's voice is kind of like my own, it's my conscience. Sometimes his voice comes through my friends, through my brothers. Y'all kind of ground me when I want to do wrong and I tell y'all, y'all laugh and I'm like you know you went right. Right, I'm like, leave me alone, but you called me, shut up. But that's God.
Speaker 1:I see, success with God is that again, that I want to do right when everything in me says that I should be doing wrong, that I think differently and I move differently. You know like I was watching, you know Ben-Hur. But of course it's also in the Bible where you know I said love your enemies. You know, forgive those that you know persecute you. You know, do the exact opposite of what the world says do. And even if it's for a pause, that pause is is God, that that wind blowing? God? I mean God can be in anything and everything. You just have to, as Danny said, you know, just have. Even if I'm not on like 95.5, but I'm on 95.3, it's enough to hear it, even in the static of life, and so for me that's, at least spiritually, that's success. Thanks, sir. I mean, hey, that Christian education does something. I'm offering for this man too.
Speaker 1:Nuggets, nah, y'all do it. Come on, jones, you know, you got a word About to take us to the mountaintop. You guys have done it. I don't need to. You guys are weak.
Speaker 1:It's like after the sermon the elder gets up. He got to do his little sermon. That was a word. How many times have we seen that? Oh, my gosh, the pastor has brought us a good word, good substance, and if I could hold you for a few more minutes, dessert to this word, then you can hear it for another 30-40 minutes, sitting there like, oh, minutes, oh no, making no sense. Making no sense Back up, because it was very competitive between the two of them and it was about having the last word. Oh yeah, people walked out, people walked out. Thank you. Thank you, elder. Thank you snatched the mic. Thank you, elder, thank you. Now we're gonna pray.
Speaker 1:And then he did this big, long, elaborate prayer. Then, after he prayed, elder had something he wanted. Oh no, no see, no, god ain't talking to them because this ain't, this ain't part of God's plan. Right there, god didn't have this message. The first part might have been the message, but everything after that has been pride and ego. This is why I work in AV. I have a comment for all that.
Speaker 1:But again, what is deemed successful? A lot of pastors feel that in order to be successful, I have to run my church. I'm the head and nobody is the shepherd. But some people don't want their sheep to speak. They go sit down, shut up. I got this. I've been held at this church for the past 30 years. This is basically my church. I realized this while I was serving at church.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of people who they don't have anything else. I'm trying to be careful. So when they come to places where they feel they can control, they go overboard because they have no other control in their life and anything else. So that becomes success. I'm bringing it up because that becomes success to them, like I'm successful if I can control everybody at my church because it's my church. That's only two hours out of my week or my fault, five hours out of the week. That's a lot. That's a lot of power. It's still a lot of power.
Speaker 1:What I've learned is that here's one of the reasons why I'm so passionate about entrepreneurship is because everybody has the capacity to be the king of their domain. Because when we have no other area of authority, we end up trying to lord over our wives. We end up trying to fight over positions in the church, even the military. Fight over positions in the church, even the military, like, wherever there is a position to be gained, we're going to just it's going to become way too way too weighty in order to it becomes your identity. You don't have anything outside of that.
Speaker 1:So if you lose that, you ready to jump off the bridge? I think, yeah, you really are. You literally are ready to jump off the bridge. I think, yeah, you really are. You literally are ready to jump off the bridge. That's the title. When, in reality, go ahead? Oh no, I was just going to piggyback on what you're saying. That's what I said about the freedom, being free to be able to own your own and have your own, that you control. So that definitely speaks to what you're saying be able to own your own and have your own that you essentially control, you know. So that definitely speaks to what you're saying, yeah, okay, so this, this, this is a pivoting moment because I don't want to lose this and I see we've been on for about 50 minutes. Okay, I'll say this my assumption is that success from a woman's viewpoint is safety, security and protection.
Speaker 1:What if your success doesn't touch upon those things for her? Do you change your success? Can I get the question out? Can I get the question out? No, but I mean, what do you do? And this is for those brothers that might be listening to this. It might get to their eardrums like, what if my success is A and her determination of success is C? How do do I change me or do, where where's that middle? How do do I change me to? Where where's that middle point? Like, how do you? You gotta be on the same page. How can two walk together unless they agree?
Speaker 1:Now I talked to a brother recently who was the stay at home mom, like he was the stay at home dad. Yeah, I was gonna say, call him what he is. He's the stay at home dadhome mom. Like he was the stay-at-home dad. Yeah, I was going to say, call him what he is he's the stay-at-home dad. We can't be stay-at-home moms. He was the stay-at-home dad and it didn't work out. It didn't work out for him Because her view of him was greatly diminished, because the traditional role of husband, house band is protect is provide and she's out here being the breadwinner. So, even though he was contributing to the whole and it was appreciated, it gave her too much power over the. Yeah, I said it, keith, I said it out loud.
Speaker 1:Now, some people, like, even like Lord of the Rings, some people can handle power, most people can't. Most people are going to use it in a way. That is my precious yes. And so I think that there has to be some kind of unity, because if there's not two people on the same page and if you're misusing something, but what happens when A lot of people start out on the same page? And I've used this example before with the guy that would get the job and he liked being a plumber and he's making decent money, he's doing pretty well, but his wife is like no, you need to start a business, then you need to hire 10 people, then they need to hire, like she has a whole vision of what he needs to do. But he's like I'm just happy getting up going to work and I got my little side. I got my main job and I got a little my little side projects. Between those two I make more than enough money. But she's like, no, what you said, yeah, but what's that? Yeah, it's cute.
Speaker 1:What you said from the beginning is a is a falsehood. Men and a woman, a man and a woman in a relationship, are never on the same page initially, ever. They're never on the same page. That's okay. That's okay. How do we get on the same page? Say it again for the people in the back Men and a woman are never on the same page Initially and sometimes. Here's the thing it's not always a good thing to be completely on the same page all the time. And I'll say what I say A lot of times if we're on the exact same page now, we're competing against each other to do the same thing.
Speaker 1:You know, sometimes we have to have some differences to to complement each other at that weight, and then we we, we compromise on certain things too. We come together, compromise, meet in the middle, because essentially we are different. A man and a woman are completely different in their thought processes. Is that to say that we can't get along? But, having an understanding that that we're different, we can come together, talk about those differences, see where we can compromise, come into the middle, meet in the middle and execute at a certain point in time. Sometimes, if we think that we're on the same page, then you're not, then you're not. If we think we're on the exact same page, then you're not, because something is going to happen. As you see Later on down the line, something is going to happen.
Speaker 1:I thought that you said, well, yeah, let's see, here we go Now. Here we go, here we go. That then sometimes signifies the beginning of the end or just a constant moving target. There you go, the goalpost move, the goalpost move, the goalpost move. So it gets to a place where we understand what we're looking at and what we're looking for. So we can get on. The same thing, if we said the goal is to get a new car and we get a new car, I want to hear in a few days I like the car, but.
Speaker 1:But I'm a little triggered right now because I think that several of us in this space have created what it was that significant others were looking for and then like, wait, you still not wait how we get? So like to the point where y'all are just completely just everything that you said you wanted, we right now have, and yet you still want something different or more, or more. It's never going to stop, not different More, more, more, more. And so again, how do you find success? Is it possible to find success in a relationship like that, or do you have to be? I'm glad you said it like that, because I was like, if you, but how do you cap it? And be realistic.
Speaker 1:And then because again, I've heard this from some of the people I've talked to you know, when he's given that realistic cap, like, okay, I can afford this, but no, baby, I can't buy you a Lamborghini or a Maserati. I can get you a nice little Honda Civic, brand new, hybrid, whatever. It wasn't a Civic, it was like a Lexus, it wasn't a Civic, it was like a nice car. It just wasn't the Tesla she wanted. They had the sunroof too. Yes, right, sunroof. You know it's a hybrid. It was a Honda Accord or something like that, where it still he felt like it was brand new, never driven before, like two miles on the thing or something crazy, but she wanted her Tesla. He's like I get that, but right now, based on where we are financially, we're putting two kids in private. He laid out all these things.
Speaker 1:It wasn't a good decision and here are the financial reasons why this lady proceeded to drag her husband all over social media and throughout anybody who wanted to listen, even in the sessions. Wow, he don't want to do so. We as a community should have been holding her accountable for her dragging her husband through the mud because he's he ain't have to do that. She could have got something to use or he could have got her a bike. Right, he is your skate boy. Get out my face. Here's a bus pass. You run a car. You get it yourself, boy, like daddy Dude, I was going to do this. Here's the thing. The reason why she did that is because when she went to online to drag him through the mud, I bet you there was people cosigning her BS, so that's what she got. Of course she did it.
Speaker 1:Us as a community, we gotta hold them accountable, and men too, women and men, we gotta hold each other accountable and say no, that's your husband. First and foremost, don't put your business out in the street. Second of all, be grateful for what you have. That's it. What is that? Y'all seen the video where the woman is going to the husband's store and so this floor is men who have jobs, this floor is men who have, and they get to the point where they go up to the next floor and it's just like there are no men on this level. You know, and you can't go down, you suck, because what you looking for doesn't mean you should have been happy to get what you got. Oh, you gotta send me that video. You gotta send me that video. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah, just type in husband store. Type in husband store and it should come right up. So I know we're at an hour, but I mean I can go. Y'all you out in the wilderness, keep this where he is. I don't want to disclose his location.
Speaker 1:Relationships it is hard to find. I mean it's constant communication to find mutual success. Their goal, like I said, we both come in, like Steve said, with our own individual goals of what is supposed to happen here and getting on God's page first and then bringing our two plans together and trying to implement them together. It's a challenge, can't be done. It's supposed to be, because on, like I said before, they flip side of this, where some of their pressure I'll admit, some of the pressure is actually good for us. A lot of us would not or would not travel or would not go anywhere. We would not. You ain't never had a lot. We would not If they didn't say, hey, I see you know, hey, what about? Hey, you should be doing so. A lot of times we got to take that and actually own that, but it's like you said, well, not like you said. Like I said, when does it stop though? Okay, now that you know this, you need to be president. But with that, keith, here's another question. I don't know if we got time for it, maybe for another time.
Speaker 1:Do we give our spouses accolades? Do we say good job to our spouses? Do we say you know what that was cool? Good job to our spouses? Do we say you know what that was cool, good job. Do we do that? There we go. Do we celebrate our spouses? Are we allowed to celebrate before we win the prize? I mean encouragement. That's what encouragement is. That is, celebrating before the prize. No, I believe in it, because sometimes they're right, sometimes they do great things that warrant celebrating, not even just great things.
Speaker 1:I think again, women are good for doing a lot of the small things that we don't even always see as men. I will say that because I do know a lot of wives who are because some of the wives are doing the same thing, some of the husbands a lot of the micromanaging behind or a lot of the, and they're more detail oriented than we are in a lot of times. So there are a lot of things that that they can do just by even setting. Again. I was reminding one wife how just her ability to create a calm atmosphere in their house he mentioned it but I kind of highlighted it because he kind of glazed over it. But I was like go back, you talked about how she can completely come into a chaotic home and her level of clean and organization allows him to just drift into a place where he can feel. Because, like a lot of us, we can't concentrate when there's a lot of mess around. It throws our brains off. A lot of us we can't concentrate when there's a lot of mess around. It throws our brains off for some of us. But when it's clean and it's organized and they can, it changes that for him, his narrative that she doesn't do enough. He wasn't seeing how much she's actually doing.
Speaker 1:I think that's if you have good friends to remind you of that you can be in a moment or have gone through some things. You got it. You got to see you married to you. You got to, you got to realize who you're married to and see things for what they are. I've had a couple where the one, the man, was just saying hey, just once. I would like for you to just say thank you. She says for what? That's what you're supposed to do. Why am I thanking you for that? That's what you're supposed to do.
Speaker 1:And I just you know, sometimes us as a therapist, it's kind of hard to you know, we won't say it, but then it's all over our face and I'm thinking like, oh God, it's a wake-up call for him. It's a wake-up call for him. This is what you have right now. She's not changing. So now you got to make a move because she's not going to give you what it is that you need. I tried not to say anything, but now my face is just saying it all like, oh Lord, here we go. Yeah, this is what you're supposed to do, where the therapist will tell you. Did you hear that? Did you hear what he just said? You just heard it. Right, that's who you married. That's what you're getting. That's what you have. I ain't telling you what to do, but this is what you're getting. It's true, when you see certain things, you see certain things. It's hard because either they already know or, again, a lot of people got married hoping to change that person Once we get married, jesus Christ, that's a whole other story. We have to make this a part two. We're going to have to make this a part two.
Speaker 1:Success does require two people communicating, because we always have different thoughts, different needs, different desires, different goals, and getting on the same page does help. Again, assigning different roles to knock out things. Like Steve said Beautiful thing, it is All right. We've come to that point where we got to wrap it up Any parting words. Final thoughts Anyone want to make an order for a shake weight?
Speaker 1:Join me on my shake weight journey. I remember the first time I saw that commercial though SNL made it, I don't know what I saw. No, that was worse. I worked the midnight shift and I woke everybody up in that house from laughing. I'll keep my hands down. I didn't know what the shake weight was, but in any case, the final thoughts. I'm sorry, you don't need a moment, danny, give us your final thoughts. You don't need a moment Shake weight.
Speaker 1:I guess my final takeaway is, on the heels of our discussion about, like men and women, is expectations the mother of all frustrations communicate. Communicate as best you can. Um, if you need get help to communicate, I've like resources to help people do that, but like pay for some help to do it as well, more easily or better received than when you're trying to say the same thing that you've been saying for a couple of days, weeks, months, years, decades, cool. My parting words is I second exactly what Danny is saying Definitely get help. Wow, as soon as I the devil, don't want me to say what I need to say because it's going to go off. But no, I was saying I definitely second what Danny is saying Definitely getting help as well.
Speaker 1:As you know, talking with somebody about communication issues, with somebody about communication issues. But on the other lines of what we were talking about before too, when we're talking about just your spiritual journey and your spiritual relationship with God in the Most High, don't be afraid to ask questions. I think that that is something that has been frowned upon so many years, especially with church and in our community is about even asking questions about religion, about God or whatnot. You just, you know, ask questions. It's okay to ask questions. Final thoughts Success comes from finding God, because he is the architect and the designer of who we are and who we are to be, and I believe that finding success without him, or what we deem as success without him, just leads to emptiness and a greater void.
Speaker 1:So, getting into a space and a place where you're doing what God has called you to do, even if you don't make 10 million dollars a year, you're going to, there's going to be a peace and a contentment with the work that you do or the space that you're in. So just helping. I know we talk a lot about success today, but helping, if any guy is listening and trying to figure out what will benefit him or bring him life, is definitely not always money. Now we need it to do some of the things we need to do, but success doesn't have as much to do with finances as we think, and I would say success is finances as we think, and I'll just say that success is your definition. It's not my definition, it's not Keith, danny or Steve's. It is your definition.
Speaker 1:So what you deem as success is successful, and you have achieved that goal. Share that with someone. Share your view of success, because maybe the other person just does not understand that that too can be successful. And even if they don't accept it, the main thing is that you accept it, because we are all just part players in your life. So set your own definition, move forward in that piece and, as always, we thank you for just coming to the table. Hopefully you left with some truth, some accountability and a little bit of laughter. Iron table Well, it's closing time. We are glad you stayed with us this long. The bill oh, we tore that up, for truth and accountability are free. You want to leave a tip? Sure, we take your money. But what's even better is if you share this with someone you know, for there's always room for more at the Iron Table.
